


I'm always tired but never of you

by Lalalaartje



Series: Before Sunrise AU [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, He forgets to take care of himself, Louis works with sick kids, Luckily he has friends who do, M/M, Sometimes really sick ones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2016-08-04
Packaged: 2018-07-29 09:33:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7679269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lalalaartje/pseuds/Lalalaartje
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>“Shall we go, then?” Harry asked, surprising Louis a bit with the invitation, though not at all unpleasantly. “What does your Lonely Planet suggest?”</i><br/>Louis grinned, grabbing the travel guide from his back pocket and started reading out loud, Harry chuckling at the stupid jokes he threw in between. He quite liked the other guy, even if they just met and likely had nothing in common but their motherland.<br/>After a while of playing pretentious tour guide, Harry leaned over his shoulder while they were waiting to cross the street, his long curly hair tickling Louis’ cheek. “That seems like a nice place,” he pointed at a picture of a small, secluded square. “Let’s start there.” </p><p>Harry is a photographer on his way to a summer course in Paris. Louis is a almost paediatric resident on his way home after a month of backpacking through Europe. They meet after their train is stranded in a foreign city. All they have is one night before they each leave for their own destination, so they decide to make the most of it.<br/>Or the Before Sunrise adaptation that somehow decided to be a hospital fic with doctor!Louis who pines after photographer!Harry who is currently at the other side of the North Sea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a short story, but apparently these guys had a different idea and wanted a long story instead.   
> Big thank you to the people who got a character named after them, lots of love! 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy the story! 
> 
> Title is from hate to love you by Gnash.

“Due to unexpected circumstances, Antwerp Central Station will be the final stop of this train. Connections to Brussels, Paris and London will be available tomorrow morning if you change your tickets for tonight at the service desk in the main entrance hall. Belgian and Dutch railways would like to apologize for the discomfort and kindly offer you free beverages and snacks for the rest of our journey. Expected arrival in Antwerp is at 1.30am. Thank you for understanding.”

Louis groaned. He’d already been on this bloody train from Amsterdam to Brussels for ages, delay after delay being announced. After hearing a voice making a lengthy announcement in languages he vaguely recognised as Dutch, French and German, he’d already feared the worst. Hearing it confirmed in a language he actually understood didn’t exactly make it any better. He quickly checked the app on his phone and found out that the first train to London would leave at 8am the next morning, which left him with 7 hours with nothing to do and out of money to actually find a place to sleep. Great.

 

After 45 minutes, five free coffees (because the tea they had in the cart was even worse than the too strong coffees they served) and a couple of sugary snacks, the train finally entered Antwerp Central Station. His travel guide spoke highly of it, described it as a beautiful building with glass ceilings that had been skillfully renovated in its original style, but all Louis saw of it right now was a dark tunnel and some stairways leading up. 

He grabbed his bags and nodded when someone wearing a uniform told him there were lockers near the main hall where he could leave his luggage until the next morning. There weren’t an awful lot of people left on the train, apparently, but there was still about fifty of them making their way to the service desk to swap their tickets to their next destination. 

He wasn’t really travelling with a lot of luggage, that wouldn’t exactly have been a smart thing to do when the plan was travelling through Europe by train, but still. He left his large backpack in a locker and took only his cellphone and his wallet with him, even though it was nearly empty at the end of the month. 

 

“Stranded as well?” a deep voice came from his left. He looked over the door of his locker and found a tall guy smiling at him.

“Yep. It figures though, travelled for a month and never had so much as a delay, and now, while I should’ve been home tonight, I get stuck here,” despite his bad mood, he couldn’t help but smile back.

“Harry Styles,” the stranger introduced himself, sticking his hand out. “Was headed to Paris, my sister’s working there and in some strange reality it made sense to visit Amsterdam first. Now I wish I hadn’t.”

“Louis Tomlinson,” Louis shook his hand. “Have been travelling for a month before I start working as a paediatrics resident in September.”

Louis rifled through his wallet in search of the right coin to make his locker work, sliding it in as soon as he found it and choosing a pass code after slamming the door shut.

He took the three steps to Harry’s side and waited for him to finish locking his own before they walked to the service desk together. 

“You’re a smart one then? Perhaps I should call you doctor Tomlinson?”

“Oh please don’t, it’s bad enough my mum hasn’t stopped doing that since graduation last month. And I consider myself lucky rather than smart,” Louis answered, standing on his tip toes to see how long the line in front of them was.

“About forty people to go,” Harry informed him, obviously having an advantage being as tall as he was. “But they’re opening an extra desk right now.”

They shuffled along to the other desk, obtaining a place in the middle of the queue and twenty minutes later, their tickets were traded for new ones for the first trains to their respective destinations.

“Are you going to find a hotel?” Louis asked Harry, looking around the dark and nearly empty streets of the unfamiliar city.

“Nah, don’t have the money to spare, so I might make use of the opportunity to take some pictures.” He held up the bag that was at his hip, Louis only now noticing it was a camera bag. “You?”

“All broke after the last month, so no, was going to walk around for a bit, or stay in the station if the city felt too unsafe.”

 

The city didn’t really  _ seem _ unsafe, they spotted some homeless people sleeping on cardboard boxes and of course there were a couple of loud drunks exiting a pub on the square next to the station, but that was nothing unexpected. 

“Shall we go, then?” Harry asked, surprising Louis a bit with the invitation, though not at all unpleasantly. “What does your Lonely Planet suggest?”

Louis grinned, grabbing the travel guide from his back pocket and started reading out loud, Harry chuckling at the stupid jokes he threw in between. He quite liked the other guy, even if they just met and likely had nothing in common but their motherland. After a while of playing pretentious tour guide, Harry leaned over his shoulder while they were waiting to cross the street, his long curly hair tickling Louis’ cheek.

“That seems like a nice place,” he pointed at a picture of a small, secluded square. “Let’s start there.”

 

It took them a 15 minute walk through a deserted shopping street and some other, less appealing streets, but it was worth it. They’d both frowned at the small alley the map pointed them to, but at the end of it, they were surprised with a view of the square they’d seen in the Lonely Planet. On one end, there was a baroque church with a wonderful facade that held tiny details in the sculptures. On the right side the church was flanked by another building that, according to the sign, held some of the city’s archives and on the other side were a plethora of small shops and restaurants. Opposite of it was a statue of Hendrik Conscience, sitting on top of a small fountain. Harry took out his camera and started clicking away, while Louis balanced on the edge of the fountain, trying to avoid getting wet as he climbed his way to the top. 

Harry smiled at him when he finally noticed the camera pointed at him. He’d climbed almost all the way up, and was about to sit on the statue’s lap but nearly slipped when he heard the rapid clicking of the shutter.

“Hey! Thought you wanted to take pics of the wonderful architecture here!” he yelled, regaining his balance and climbing the last bit.

“I never said that,” Harry shot back. “I take pictures of beautiful things, and you happen to be one.”

“Oi! I will not be called a thing, Harold, I am a human being!”

“And Harold’s not my name, Lewis!” he ducked his head, smiling at the screen on the back of his camera before lifting it again and taking another round of pictures. “You  _ are _ beautiful though, so you’re still a good subject.”

Louis felt himself blush but willed his voice to remain even. “Whatever.” He flipped a few pages in his book, trying to get his heart rate under control again. He couldn’t  _ like _ Harry for god’s sake, they’d only just met, and would likely never see each other again after tonight. 

 

“Hey, I almost forgot. This is Belgium, so beer’s supposed to be good here, how about we find a bar that will still serve us?”  he shouted. 

“Sounds good,” Harry agreed, finally pointing his camera elsewhere. “Need a hand climbing down?”

“Please,” Louis huffed. “As if you’d be any help with those gangly legs. You look about as dexterous as baby giraffe. You managed to trip over your own feet at least twice on a fifteen minute walk.” He stood up, shoved the travel guide in his back pocket and started on his way down. He added a balance walk on the edge of the fountain just for show, sticking his tongue out when he saw Harry’s camera pointed at him once more.

“Sorry, ‘s just that your body looked really good with the street light highlighting it from behind. Emphasizes the curve of your waist.”

“Ugh, stop flattering me Harold, I’m not having sex with you out on the streets, if that’s what you’re after!”

Harry smirked. “Now you’re flattering yourself, darling.” He wrapped a long arm around Louis’ shoulder and pulled him close, his camera hanging around his neck in favour of putting it back into the bag. “Come on, let’s find a bar that’ll still serve us, poor boys, a pint!”

 

They started walking, most bars they passed already closed or about to, until they stumbled upon the cathedral. Of course Harry  _ had _ to take pictures of the monument as well, and a few of Louis being an acrobat on the surroundings, but the best news was that there was a small, hole-in-the-wall café right next to it, that apparently specialized in Belgian beers and it was still open. There were a few groups of people around the tables on the street, but it was easy enough to find one to themselves so they sat down and told the waitress they would have whatever she recommended. 

 

Louis found out that Harry was on his way to Paris because his sister Gemma worked there as a journalist. He hadn’t seen her since Christmas, and he was hoping to get enrolled in a summer school class at art school so he could combine family and gaining skills on one trip. In return, Louis told him about his month of travel with Niall, though his friend had had to go back home after a week when he came down with a rather nasty stomach flu. He’d considered flying back home with him, but the adventure had called so Louis had completed the trip by himself. Ending up broke but with a lot of stories and adventures to share. 

 

“So why did you choose paediatrics?” Harry asked, thanking the waitress who’d just brought them their second round of local beers. 

Louis shrugged. “Seemed logical, with the army of kids I’ve always lived with at home. Was either that or OB/GYN but the part that doesn’t involve babies didn’t really appeal to me. Never been very fond of female genitals,” he winked.

Harry rolled his eyes as he sipped his glass. “An army of kids?” He licked off the bit of white foam that had clung to the fine hairs on his upper lips.

“Got six siblings, all younger than I am, 5 sisters and a brother,” he took a sip of his own beer, frowning a bit at the extraordinary taste before deciding he did like it.

Harry whistled at that and asked a bit more about Louis’ ambitions in paediatrics, smiling when Louis told him he’d started medical school with the idea he’d be the one curing every single kid who got cancer. He explained how medical school had taught him nothing if not some realism, but his dream remained much the same. 

“All that altruism surely earned you a significant other waiting for your return in England?” Harry asked, smirking because he  _ knew  _ how unsubtle he was being.

Louis barked out a laugh. “No, no boyfriend. Quite frankly, I haven’t had the time to keep one over the last couple of years. While I still think I got lucky to have made it through medical school, it was hard work as well, and combined with helping out my mum, there wasn’t much time left to dedicate to love.”

“You surely haven’t been single for the last six years, though?” Harry frowned.

Louis scoffed. “I said I was too busy for love, not that I was a monk. But, well, nothing really serious, no.”

“Shame,” Harry remarked offhandedly, swirling his beer around in his glass to create some more foam. 

“Though your concern is touching, I can assure you I’ve gotten through uni wholly unscathed, Harold,” Louis smirked. “How about you though, surely you artistic types have a plethora of partners to pick from?”

“Well hello, seems like doctor Tomlinson has some preconceptions there!” he scoffed, but there wasn’t any bite to his voice. “No partner though, let alone a plethora of them to pick from. Had a boyfriend in my first year, then a girlfriend in the third but not really looking for anyone since then. You surely won’t believe it, but even us, artistic types, have to work hard to get through uni.”

“You’re bisexual then?”

“Bi, pan, whatever you want to label it. I just like whoever I like and I don’t care about a label for it.”

Louis nodded. “Shall we move along? While the beer is wonderful,  I think I’ll end up proper drunk if we keep this up.”

“Same. I’ll go inside to pay.” Harry replied, already up and on his way before Louis could protest that he could still pay for his own beer.

 

As they wandered further, it became obvious that they’d arrived in the city centre, which was cosy but weirdly empty without any tourists (apart from them) crowding the streets. The only shops open were night shops selling overpriced liquor and kebab houses trying to lure drunks like themselves in with offers of cheap fast food. After a while, they stumbled upon City Hall and more importantly, the statue of Brabo in front of them. People seemed to love turning statues into fountains here, because this one was also spouting water. Louis assessed the possibilities, but finally decided there was no way he’d be able to climb it without getting drenched, so he propped himself up on a bench, watching while Harry trotted around the Grand Market to take pictures of landmarks and futile details alike.

 

“What made you choose photography?” he asked when Harry finally joined him after about fifteen minutes.

Harry shrugged. “I liked it, always did. I love how it allows you to capture an entire story in one frame. And how a picture can be totally different depending on the settings you use. I never planned to go and study it though, I wanted to be a lawyer or a social worker at first, but my teacher in high school said I at least had to apply for a spot in art school. So yeah, it happened.”

“We’re both lucky shots, then,” Louis smiled, looking at Harry and finding himself mesmerised by the color of his eyes.

Harry shrugged. “So it seems. Bit of a shame I never met you earlier though, would’ve loved having you as a model for some of my assignments.”

“Are you flirting with me, Harold? You’re making me blush here!” Louis laughed.

“Just telling the truth. You’re beautiful.” Harry replied, voice laced with so much sincerity it made Louis swallow a lump in his throat and avert his eyes.

 

When he looked up again, Harry was flipping through the pictures he’d taken, attention on something else and Louis felt oddly disappointed at that. He looked up when Louis cleared his throat though, offered him a bright smile even and acted as if nothing happened.

Maybe nothing  _ had _ happened. Maybe Louis was just overreacting, he must be awfully out of practice if some innocent flirting could get him out of balance this easily. 

 

They sat in silence for a little longer, both lost in their own thoughts or in Harry’s case, his photos, until the bells on the cathedral alerted them that it was already five o’clock. 

“Should we go? I think the river is supposed to be close, maybe we’ll catch the sunrise?” Harry asked, and Louis felt strangely out of sorts. He liked Harry, that much was certain, but what he wasn’t sure of, was how that had happened. He had met Harry merely three hours earlier, they’d talked for a good part of the time, but still. He’d never felt so strongly for someone in such a short amount of time.

 

“Do you believe in love at first sight?” he heard himself asking and he wasn’t sure how the words had managed to escape his mouth.

“No.” Harry replied and that hurt quite a bit more than Louis liked to admit. “However,” Harry continued, stopping in his tracks and turning to look at Louis. “I do believe in connections at first sight, at infatuations, so to speak. I think you can be attracted to someone with no more than one look at them, and that can turn into a connection and an infatuation next.”

“Oh,” was all that Louis managed to reply.

“Do you?” Harry asks in return.

“I never did,” is all he can say before having to swallow his sudden nerves. 

 

The river turned out to be just at the end of the street. There was a medieval castle right next to it, another thing that Harry took pictures of for a couple of minutes and a boating platform. Louis sits down on the wood, looking out over the water and thinking. Sure, he had been in love before. There’d been his boyfriend in high school who he’d cried over when he thought it better to break up before they both went away for uni. Even in his first year of medical school, there’d been a boy who he’d fallen for head over heels and yeah, he considered that love as well, even if said boy had other ideas of what exactly they were. 

It was never anything like this though, never this overwhelming or pure. It was shocking and weird and so, so exciting at the same time. The clicking of Harry’s camera betrayed him, pulling Louis out of his thoughts effectively.

“Sorry,” Harry said as he sat down next to Louis. “I just keep on making pictures of you, I can’t seem to stop myself.

“‘S okay,” Louis smiled. “Reckon it won’t be long before sunrise now, it’ll be quite beautiful from down here, I think.”

“Yeah, probably.” Harry replied. “Louis…”

Louis looked up and found Harry’s eyes trained on him while his teeth worried his bottom lip. “Can I kiss you?”

Louis nodded quietly and watched as Harry put his camera down, recapping the lense and removing the strap from around his neck. There was a soft thunk when the metal of the camera collided with the wood of the platform, and before Louis properly registered it, one of Harry’s large hands was cupping his cheek. He leaned in until he felt Harry’s breath on his face and let him close the last bit of distance between them, their lips brushing softly. 

There weren’t any fireworks, and frankly, Louis wasn’t sure if that wasn’t a myth, but there was this wonderful, tingly feeling traveling all the way down his spine when their lips touched. Harry’s lips were dry, a bit chapped even, but soft nevertheless. And most importantly, they fit against Louis’ like they were pieces of the same puzzle, just somehow separated and put on different persons. 

 

They both smiled when they pulled away, Louis’ thumb brushing across Harry’s mouth, feeling the need to touch his smile. 

“I think the sun’s almost coming up,” Louis said, eyes diverted to the horizon that was colouring a warm shade of orange.

Harry hummed. “You want to go up there?” he asked, gesturing to a sort of bridge that didn’t even went across the water, but it seemed like it would give them a nice view. He got up and reached for Louis’ hand, pulling him up with him. 

Louis looked at the way he intertwined their hands and smiled shyly at his feet, recognising the fluttering in his stomach from a long, long time ago. 

“Come on, let’s run!” Harry shouted, not even allowing him a second thought as he pulled Louis along. They ran to the top of the bridge, finding themselves a wonderful panorama of the other river bank and the river itself. All was so quiet that it seemed like they were the only ones in the city, in the world, even maybe, it was quite magical. Laughing, they reached the middle of the bridge, flinging their arms around each other in a hug. Louis reached up for another round of kisses, all fairly innocent and interlaced with soft giggles and kind smiles, feeling lighter than he had in ages. 

 

The sun had really started rising and Louis sent Harry off to take pictures of it while he watched it quietly, finding himself uncharacteristically quiet all night. It felt good though. He felt calm and at ease with Harry, as if he tipped the balance the other way for once, bringing out Louis’ softer and quieter side as well as his loud and boisterous side. 

“You’re gonna have to send me those pictures Harold, it’s only fair to share them with your model,” he said when Harry finally joined him after having snapped a million and one photos, and at least a thousand had Louis in them. Harry wrapped himself around Louis, arms around his torso and face nuzzled into his neck.

 

“I kind of don’t want to think about it yet, but when is your train leaving?” Louis asked, leaning back into Harry’s chest, ready to steal a kiss.

Harry sighed, obviously not prepared to think of leaving either, but pulled out his phone to check the time anyway. “In an hour and a half, a bit more.”

“Hmmm, mine goes at eight. What do you want to do before we say goodbye?” he asked, pressing his lips to the part of Harry’s neck he could reach without twisting too much.

“Kiss you some more,” Harry replied cheekily. “And also dance with you. I want to dance in the streets with you. In a fountain, preferably, since it doesn’t look like it’s going to rain anytime soon.”

Louis grinned up at him.

“I think I saw the exactly right place to do that, come on!” He pulled away, out of Harry’s embrace but grabbed his hand as he started running, down the bridge, across the streets and through a maze of small streets where Harry was sure he wouldn’t ever find his way.

They were laughing loudly, and probably disturbing people waking up or trying to sleep some more, but they couldn’t care less. This was so nice, it was so much  _ fun  _ and they simply couldn’t stop. 

 

They ended up on the same shopping street they’d first walked through. It was a bit less deserted now, street sweepers were all around, cleaning and emptying garbage bins, but nobody cared about the two men running towards the fountain. 

“Let’s get in,”Louis grinned at Harry, already pulling off his shoes and socks and rolling up his jeans. He left his wallet and phone in his shoes on a nearby bench, and waited until Harry had selected the song he wanted to dance to. 

“Okay, don’t judge my choice of song, I just love this song and it always makes me happy and I always want to dance when I hear it, so…” Harry rambled, squeaking when Louis pulled him closer to the edge of the fountain.

“Put it on already, Harold, and try to roll up those trousers a bit or you’ll be sopping wet by the time the song’s finished.” 

He still laughed a bit when he heard what song Harry picked though, singing along to the Turtles as he grabbed Harry’s hands and started jumping around in the fountain. 

“I can’t see me loving nobody but you! For all my liiiiiiiiife!” He sung at the top of his lungs.

“When you’re with me, baby the skies will be blue!” Harry sung back, Louis joining in for the next line. “For all my liiiiiiiiiiife!”

By the end of the song, they were both out of breath and sopping wet, but mostly really happy and elated. Louis stood on his tip toes in a bloody fountain kissing a man he only met hours before and wasn’t sure he’d see again, but nothing in his life had ever felt this right.

There was a slow song cueed up next, and while Harry swore he didn’t do it on purpose, Louis didn’t believe it even the slightest bit yet he couldn’t care less. He simply grabbed Harry and started swaying to the music with him, feet still in the water, mouths still attached. 

 

“We should probably go back,” Harry whispered when the song ended, and Louis felt a bit numb. The elation was suddenly gone, but he didn’t want to think about the two of them saying goodbye yet. 

So they both grabbed their shoes and phones and wallets, and started the trek back to the station. The building did look majestic when it loomed at the end of the street, but Louis couldn’t find himself to care, dread curling in his stomach at their pending goodbye. He probably shouldn’t feel as sad about saying goodbye to a stranger, but he couldn’t help it. Their hands were swinging between them as they crossed the streets, more and more cars appearing as a signal that morning had arrived. Bare feet slapping on the tiles as they walked towards the entrance.

Louis let go of Harry’s hand to get his luggage out of his locker, rummaging through his backpack to find a dry set of clothes while Harry did the same with his suitcase. Next stop were the toilets to change and put their wet clothes into their bags and then it was time to go find the track where Harry’s train would leave. 

 

“Send me the pictures of tonight, yeah?” Louis whispered against Harry’s lips. Harry nodded.

“Yeah, I’ve got your email address,” he patted his wallet where he’d put the slip of paper Louis had given him moments before.

“Can I add you on Facebook?” Louis asked, earning him a smile.

“Sure, and you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter as well. You’re not getting my Tumblr though, that’s proper embarrassing.”

They both chuckled, sharing some more kisses before it really was time for Harry to get on his train. Louis followed him to the door, holding his hand as long as he could and sharing one last kiss when Harry was on the step already. It made them look ridiculous because Harry had to duck down and Louis had to stand on his tip toes, but there was hardly anyone there to see them anyway.

 

“Travel safely,” they both said, right before the doors closed and all they could do was wave. Louis’ sight was misty as he walked downstairs to find the track for his own train to London, and he felt weirdly empty.

  
His train was hardly out of the station when his phone pinged with a new notification,  _ friendship request from Harry Styles.  _ He smiled, pressed accept and pocketed his phone again, already feeling a bit better, especially with the foresight of being reunited with his family in only a couple of hours. 


	2. 2

“Have you got everything Lou?” 

His mum looked even more frantic and nervous than he felt, and she kept on wiping her eyes with the tissues she ripped from the box on his desk. Or well, former desk. Even if he’d been gone most part of the year during medical school, he’d still always considered his room  _ his _ and the house in Doncaster his home. The dorms weren’t exactly homely, so that’d probably helped. Yet now, he was properly moving out, into a flat near Sheffield’s children’s hospital where he’d spend most of his waking hours starting the week after. 

“Mum,” he sighed, grabbing her arms as she whizzed past him once more. “I’ve checked my luggage this morning, yesterday and the day before, so yes, I’m sure I’ve got everything packed. And you’ve checked twice if everything made it into Dan’s and my car, so yes, I’ve got everything. And if not, Sheffield’s not the end of the world and I’m pretty sure they’ll have to give me some time off so I can come over and fetch things if necessary.”

“I’m sorry love, it’s just… I’ll miss you so much!” Jay looked close to sobbing, and there was nothing Louis could do about it but pull her into his arms and hug her. 

“Mum, I was hardly home when I was at uni, this isn’t going to be much different, alright?”

“But then at least half your stuff was still here, now it’s just an empty room! And with Lottie and Fizzie away at uni now too, it’s just me and Dan and the little ones. God knows Phoebe and Daisy are hardly home as it is.” Jay was now full on sobbing, clinging to her oldest as if he was a lifeline.

“Mum, you’ll survive, I’m sure. You can always visit, and I’ll come back when I’ve got the time. It’ll be fine. As long as you don’t go and make some new babies to compensate for letting go of us like you did when I left for school,” he winks, earning him a slap to the arm and a scolding look. “‘M kidding mum, only kidding!”

“Just try to keep your big mouth at bay when you’re in hospital, alright? Don’t get yourself fired on your first day.” Jay winked, squeezing him extra tight before letting go. It was really time to go now. 

His siblings were all lined up next to the stairs, ready to hug him goodbye like the proper Von Trapp-family they were. He hugged the little ones first, telling them to behave and listen to mum and dad before moving on to Daisy and Phoebe, brown-eyed freckled monsters who were turning into proper ladies more and more every day. He’d given them a speech on boys and safe sex that had made them groan and want to run the day before, so all he had to do now was hold them tight and kiss their cheeks. That left Lottie and Fizzie, or well, mostly Fizzie since she would be off to London for uni in a couple of weeks, while Lottie would return to Sheffield like last year. He’d probably see her plenty. Fizzie received a big hug combined with a strip of condoms stuffed in the back pocket of her jeans, as well as a wink. “Call me if you need a big brother around, alright?” he asked her and she rolled her eyes as she chuckled. 

Lottie was last, her hug wasn’t any shorter even if they knew they would see each other soon enough. 

Once every single family member had gotten their goodbyes, Louis walked out and got into his car, followed by Dan who was driving his own car to Sheffield since Louis had too many boxes to move to stuff them all in his own car. 

 

The three weeks since his return from his road trip had been absolutely manic. Most of his friends from high school had been around because they either lived in Doncaster of were visiting their parents over summer, so they were a lot of pub nights, yet also a lot of playdates with the youngest twins and day trips with his older sisters. He had hardly had some time to himself, but Louis was sure he’d have plenty of that in the next week. He only had to register at the hospital tomorrow, and the rest of the time was free for him to get settled into his flat.  

He smiled as he thought of the pictures in one of the boxes he was currently driving to his new home. Harry had sent him all of the pictures he’d taken that night in Antwerp, some of them even photoshopped a bit to make them look better, and Louis couldn’t resist framing a couple of them. Including the selfie they’d taken after dancing in the fountain, both of them sopping wet but smiling brightly. 

Unfortunately, they hadn’t really talked much since that one night they’d spent together. They never seemed to be online at the same time, so their interaction was limited to likes and sometimes a comment to the things they shared on Facebook or Instagram. He still held fond memories of Harry, but the overwhelming feeling had died down a bit with time. 

  
  


Louis had just sent off Dan, his small living room filled with what seemed like a million boxes, but all he really wanted right now was some ice cream from the place down the street. He closed the door behind him and procured his phone to check his mentions and see if any of his friends was already back in Sheffield when he walked straight into a guy that was struggling with a box and his keys in an effort to open his door. 

“Oops! Sorry mate, didn’t see you there!” Louis laughed, already taking the box so said guy could try to unlock his door using both hands.

“Thanks, you my new neighbour then?” the guy asked, taking the box from him and putting it inside before holding out his hand. “I’m Zayn. Went to Leeds so I’m pretty new here, but I’m starting as a surgery resident at the children’s hospital next week.”

“Oh, hi! Louis, studied here, but I’m sure residency will be entirely different from med school. I’m in paediatrics, so we’ll probably see each other at work,” he shook the hand he was offered. “Hey uhm, I was just on my way to grab some ice cream, so if you’re not too busy moving in, you could always join? It’ll be nice to have some friendly faces around the hospital, I think.”

“Sure! Just let me check if my mum didn’t pack anything that needs to be refrigerated in that last box and we’ll be off!” Zayn smiled. “Come on in though, don’t mind the mess, I only arrived this morning and I haven’t really started the unpacking.”

“Same mate, just got everything upstairs and I don’t feel like opening all those boxes after spending a week packing them.”

“Ha! Yeah, I know how you feel.”

Louis walked inside the flat that looked much the same as his, generic white walls, ikea furniture and a fake plant at the window sill. It was to be expected, of course, since the University of Sheffield and the Children’s hospital had put up the building together to provide housing for their residents. And it’s not like he’d be complaining, it was relatively cheap and right across the street from work so it was all he needed. The only downside was that he wasn’t allowed to paint the walls, but he’d make up for that with wall decorations. Besides, if he heard the people he knew from the year above him, he wouldn’t spend much time awake in his flat anyway. 

“Ready mate, Louis, was it?” Zayn asked, grabbing a black leather jacket from the back of his couch and pulling it on before leading Louis out and locking the door behind him. “So, if you studied here, you’ll be able to show me all the go-to places around, yeah? Still got a week before life turns into hospital-hell.”

“Gladly,” Louis laughed. “And yeah, though I reckon you surgery-guys will have it a lot worse than us.”

 

They stayed at the ice salon for an hour, just getting to know each other before they both decided it was probably time to go home and make a start with unpacking their stuff. 

Louis was knackered by the end of the day, half of the boxes still untouched, but he couldn’t bring himself to continue unpacking. The picture of him and Harry was on the wall across the sofa, a couple others scattered around various surfaces and his laptop was charging next to the TV. He decided against watching some Netflix and instead crawled under the covers in the one bedroom his flat had to offer, phone in hand to check social media before actually going to sleep.

 

 **Harry Styles** _Being a fashion photographer in Paris is amazing! So much inspiration, so many great models. Thank you so much_ ** _Liam_** _for pushing me into this course! I promise I’ll do a spread for your magazine once I’m back!_

 

Louis pressed the like button and scrolled further down, finding a couple of new fashion pictures from Harry on his dashboard, as well as a crazy selfie with a girl whom Louis recognised as Gemma, Harry’s sister. 

He quickly typed out his own status update and closed the Facebook app, hesitating as his thumb hovered over the Instagram-button. None of his friends used it, except for Harry, but the pictures he posted on Instagram were much the same ones as on Facebook. He clicked it anyway, heart rate spiking up when he noticed how Harry had uploaded a picture just an hour before.    
It was dark, probably taken at night, and in it was a fountain, captioned “ _ Fountains sometimes hold crazy adventures  _ #anighttoremember #doyoubelieve”

He swallowed, suddenly feeling overwhelmed all over again, and started typing something in the comment box.

**DoctorT** #Ineverdid #butnowIdo

 

The week following his arrival in Sheffield was filled with more unpacking, nights out at the pub, meeting up with old friends that had come back to Sheffield as well, Thursday movie night with Niall as usual, and a quick visit home on Sunday. Harry had been extraordinarily quiet on all of his social media accounts since the picture of the fountain and Louis tried really hard not to look into it too much. 

 

Monday morning had Zayn banging his front door at arse o’clock in the morning, but Louis supposed he’d better get used to it. All new residents were supposed to clock in at 7am for their introduction and their shift would start an hour later. 

“I’m coming, I’m coming!” he yelled towards the door, abandoning his bowl of cereal only three bites in and slipping into his jean jacket. He checked his bag one last time to see if he had everything he needed, lamp, stethoscope and fuzzy stethoscope-hugging-animal, pocket sized Oxford handbook of paediatrics, a lock for his locker and a change of clothes and some spare money to leave in there. He shouldered his battered backpack and walked out of his flat, greeting Zayn who looked as well rested as he felt. Served them right for staying out until 1am, he supposed. 

They made the short trek across the street together, finding themselves separated only five minutes in, when their respective chief resident was supposed to show them their lockers. paediatric residents had lockers on the first floor, while surgery residents, as well as all attending surgeons, resided on the top floor where the operating theatres were located. 

He was sure he’d see Zayn in the evening and followed Hannah, as the chief resident had introduced herself towards their locker room. She explained that the five of them were the first year residents, the second and third years would come in throughout the day depending on their shifts but they would definitely get to know each other in the next couple of days. She was their chief resident, the go-to-person if they had any questions or problems that were hospital related, and combined clinical work with some research. 

Right before they entered the locker room, she showed them the large plate in the hallway, holding pictures of all the attending paediatricians and their respective specialty. They’d surely get to know every single one of them and what they were like, but right now it was mostly trying to memorise faces and names before she whisked them away once more. 

 

Louis grabbed three pairs of scrubs from the linen cart, as well as three white coats and quickly changed before stuffing everything he didn’t need in his locker. His stethoscope got slung around his neck, Oxford in his coat pocket and other medical appliances were divided over his other pockets. 

“Okay, if everyone’s ready, we should head into the staff room. I’ll warn you, it will be hot and terribly crowded, and you are not allowed to touch any of the pastries until the attending paediatrics have left the room or you’ll receive a proper scolding from Ayla. She’s usually nice, but she has some kind of hierarchy kink or something. You’ll all find out which attending you’ll be working with for this first week. I will get together with the staff at the end of the week to make up the definitive roster until December. Come along, please!” Hannah explained, looking a bit frazzled as they were apparently running late. 

 

She hadn’t been lying, the staff room was at least three times too small for the number of people that were supposed to fit in. Louis squeezed inside, excusing himself to what he thought to be his co-residents when he tried to at least get some space to breathe. There was a large dish filled with all kinds of pastries on the table and Louis’ stomach growled loudly, a reminder that he’d missed most of his breakfast that morning. It were only the ten people sitting around the table who were eating of it though, the ones Louis recognised from their pictures in the hallway. 

“Okay everyone, I know it’s a Monday morning and it’s the first day here for some of you, but could we all quiet down a bit and start doing business?” a guy shouted, leaning back in his seat. He smirked as everyone quits talking. “Good, thank you. My name is Alex Karev, I am not the chief of paediatrics but Ayla here likes to make me do her dirty work,” he grinned at the woman sitting next to him. “We’ve got five new residents here with us, so welcome, all of you, I hope you somewhat enjoy your time here at the Sheffield children’s hospital, but mostly that you learn a lot and that you will become magnificent paediatricians.” He went on to introduce his colleagues, and then explained how a Monday staff meeting usually goes. The residents who had been on call throughout the weekend discussed special cases and went over who had been admitted to which ward before every attending got up and called their residents to follow them. As soon as Ayla Roberts had left the room, all residents attacked the leftover pastries, Louis soon following as he realised he had a long day ahead. A good ten minutes later, he was still in the room with only three other people. The handsome guy who had introduced himself as Alex Karev earlier, a tall guy with a quiff making him look even taller and a small girl with blond hair and a cheeky smile.

“Alrightie, that leaves the three of you with me for this week,” doctor Karev smiled. “Grimshaw, please behave in front of cute dads, Dan, try to refrain from stealing any babies, and you must be Louis Tomlinson,” he extended his hand. “Please call me Alex, I feel old enough already when the parents all address me as doctor Karev. Welcome, again. Today we’ll take on ward 6, infectious diseases.” 

Behind him, both senior residents groaned. “Shut up you two, it’s exciting! It’s sick kids we can actually cure in a short amount of time.”

“It’s also a lot of snot and coughing and crying,” the tall guy added as he stepped a bit closer to Louis. “I’m Nick, by the way, third year, almost finished with this hell they call medical training.”

“I’m Dan, second year, only here for the cute babies,” the girl winked at him.  

He grinned back, repeated his name once more even though he knew they’d heard it before, happy as he got the feeling the three of them would get along. 

“Come on guys, time to go and cure kids,” Alex told them with a roll of his eyes. 

 

While Nick certainly hadn’t been lying when he said infectious diseases meant dealing with a lot of snot and coughing and crying, neither had Alex. Most things were easily cured, and by twelve they had already discharged seven kids who had needed nothing more than rehydration and some pain relief. Nick and Dan took him to the cafeteria for lunch, where they met up with most of the other residents. Louis was sure he wouldn’t manage to remember their names in the first couple of weeks, but they were all nice, so that was all that mattered. 

Afternoon had the four of them in the emergency room, and by the time six o’clock came and they were relieved by their colleagues, Louis could hardly feel his legs. He’d listened to so many pairs of lungs and heartbeats and cleaned so many cuts he was simply exhausted, and it was only Monday.

  
As soon as he reached the locker room, he slumped down on the bench and pulled out his phone, replying to some of the messages his mum and sisters had sent him before sending one to Zayn asking if he wanted to crash on his couch and order in. He was still lacing his shoes when Zayn’s reply came in “YESSSSSSS please. Pizza’s fine, just no pepperoni.” He snickered and stumbled out of the hospital, across the street and into their building, ordering pizza as he went.


	3. 3

“Morning doctor Tommo!” Leo chirped from his bed. He was only three weeks in and his kids already had a nickname for him. 

“Morning Leo,” Louis smiled, picking up his chart from the bed and looking through the parameters the nurses had recorded during the night. “How are you feeling today?”

Leo shrugged. “Same as ever.”

 

Louis really wished it were different, but in the ward he worked at after the first week with Alex, it was the same story for most of the kids. Haematology wasn’t a very happy business. The nurses did their best though, tried to make every day worth while, and whenever one of the kids got better, they made sure they got a proper send off party before they went home. Sometimes they also held parties for the kids who got the bad news that they wouldn’t be going home, because they deserved it even more. 

 

He tried not to frown at what he saw in Leo’s chart, knowing how important it was not to worry the kids too much, but he knew he’d have to discuss the case with doctor Wilson whenever she came in. 

“Where’s doctor Rainbow Hair?” Leo asked, picking up a sandwich and taking a tiny bite out of it. 

“Dan’s at home, she had the night shift at the A&E last night,” Louis explained, “she should be back tomorrow.” While Louis had gotten doctor Tommo for obvious reasons, Dan had already had her nickname when he arrived at the hospital. She had the habit of changing her hair colour every other week, hence the Rainbow Hair. Nick had just taken on Doctor Nick, chirping “Hiiii everybody” like the Simpsons’ character whenever he entered a room.

 

“I’ll go check on the others first Leo, and I’ll be back later to check on you, alright? Make sure you have some breakie, please!” Louis sing-songed as he walked out of the room, worry niggling at the back of his mind. 

 

He was just about to enter the next room when he heard the sliding doors to the ward open and found doctor Jo Wilson walking through, accompanied by Alex who she was married to, as Louis had learned on his second day. 

 

“Morning Louis, everything alright?” she greeted him, slapping at Alex’ hand when he put it on her ass.

“Hi Jo, I’m fine, just a bit worried about Leo Daniels in room 44? His blood results are good, ever since the last round of chemo, but his heart is failing.”

“Fuck,” Alex cursed. 

 

They discussed it for a while longer, finally deciding they would examine him and if his heart sounded as bad as his vitals suggested, they’d put him through the necessary tests to get him on the transplant list. 

Louis finished the rest of his rounds before lunch and decided to go outside to get something. He needed a break.

 

**To Harry Styles**

_ Fuck, some kids always get the bad things :( got a kid who’s beating his leukemia but now his heart is giving up. He’ll probably need a transplant. IF his tests come back alright and they’ll be willing to put him on the waiting list. _

 

Him and Harry had started using Facebook chat a week after Louis started working at the hospital. He was still up after a long day, unable to shake off some of the misery he’d witnessed when Harry had suddenly messaged him. They’d talked about everything and nothing, and after that night they hardly ever were online at the same time, but it didn’t matter as much. They’d reply whenever they saw the other’s messages and managed to keep the conversation going that way. 

 

He somehow made it through the rest of his day, the afternoon filled with outpatient check ups that were mostly better news than what he’d had to tell Leo and his mother after lunch. They’d find out if he was a transplant candidate in the morning, and Louis didn’t know what to hope for. If he wasn’t he would probably die within a year. If he was, he’d have to wait for a suitable heart, hope he wouldn’t die before he got one and then go through everything that came with a transplant. At least Dan would be back in the morning to make his day a bit happier. 

 

His phone pinged as soon as he turned it on, a message from Harry waiting for him. 

 

**From Harry Styles**

_ Oh that just sucks Lou. I don’t know how you can handle your job sometimes. Hope you can make him better! _

 

Louis chuckled and started typing a reply

 

_ I hope so too. And it isn’t always like this. It’s so cool when we can send a kid home when they’re all better! _

_ Cheer me up for a bit though, how’re things in Paris? _

 

Much to his surprise, three dots appeared, meaning that for once, Harry and him were online at the same time.

 

_ They’re absolutely wonderful, actually. I’ve got a chance to publish a spread in a local magazine, and if they like it, they’ll probably offer me a contract for six months. Meaning I would be here for Paris fashion week and get a press pass for it and everything. So I’m excited!  _

 

_ Wow, that’s huge Harry! So happy for you. Great way to cheer me up :D You really like fashion photography then huh? _

 

_ I like photographing pretty things, and both the models and the clothes are always pretty, so yeah, I like it. More than I expected, actually. I had plans to come back and join my friend who runs his own magazine, but looks like I might stay in Paris. Wonderful city as well, by the way. You should come and visit if they ever let you out of that hospital. _

 

Louis snickered, letting himself into his flat to find Niall already there. It was their weekly movie night, and while it had exploded a bit since the both of them had started bringing in new friends, they usually tried to have dinner together, just the two of them for old time’s sake. 

 

_ I’ll make sure to put Paris on my to do-list! Gtg now though, movie night! _

 

_ Alright, tell everyone hi from me! _

 

Of course none of his friends really  _ knew _ Harry, but since their picture was on Louis’ wall, everyone who entered his living room asked about him. 

Niall had acted offended for a bit, since Harry was on his wall while he had been Louis’ best friend since their first anatomy session and his face was nowhere to be seen in the flat, but after Louis had framed a picture of their graduation party, he’d been mollified. 

Zayn had simply nodded at the picture and asked: “Boyfriend?” as soon as he walked into Louis flat on that first night after work, and shrugged when Louis explained it was a guy he’d spend a night with in Antwerp, and no- not in that way.

The word had spread soon enough, and now all of their friends knew who Harry was and most of them didn’t believe Louis when he said it was just a friend. Perhaps the fluttering he felt in his stomach every time he talked about Harry showed on his face. Or the smile when he looked at their picture wasn't only imaginary. 

 

Shortly after Louis and Niall had finished their dinner, the others started trickling in. First Zayn who came barefoot because his socks had gotten all bloody, then Ed and Dan who lived upstairs and had clicked almost immediately once they found out they were neighbours, and lastly Liv, a nurse on Louis’ ward and Gaby, her girlfriend who happened to be a junior resident at the same hospital Niall worked at. They’d met at nursing school before Gaby had decided to become a doctor instead of a nurse at the end of their first year. Louis admired them for staying together through the hell that was medical school, though he could do without their ever present PDA whenever they were near each other. 

 

Louis couldn’t even remember what film they’d watched, it had been Zayn’s turn to choose and he picked some generic superhero movie that no one had ever heard of and nobody but Zayn seemed really invested in. The cuddle fest Dan and Niall had held on the other hand had been pretty interesting, especially when Ed couldn’t stop throwing jealous looks their way.  Louis wasn’t sure who exactly he was jealous of though.

 

Hadn’t it been their number one rule not to talk about work on movie nights, it wouldn’t have been as much of a surprise when they saw each other in the staff room in the morning. Apparently Leo’s tests had come back late Thursday evening, and Jo had called everyone who would be involved in a heart transplant in today to discuss his chances and to make sure he’d get as high as possible on the waiting list. Every single chair in the staff room was occupied, and a few of the residents had to remain standing while Nick presented the case. 

Dawn Finnerty, the hospital’s cardiologist had brought Ed, Christina Rosales was the cardiac surgeon Zayn was working with, Gaby and Niall had joined Robert Flack, the most renowned transplant specialist in the area, and finally Louis, Dan and Nick were there with Jo Wilson. Alex had dropped by at the beginning to say hi, but he had a planned C-section he had to attend so he couldn’t stay. 

 

It was nearly noon when they finally decided on their strategy, leaving Dan and Louis with the task to bring Leo and his mum the news that he would be put on the transplant list ASAP so all they could do was wait and hope his situation didn’t get too bad in the meantime. 

 

Louis was glad the day was over and even more that it was Friday night, it had been a long and tiring week. He felt like he could do with the comfort and cuddles of his family, but since he had to work on Sunday it wasn’t really worth the drive home. Their Saturdays were always filled with sports activities and grocery shopping, so none of them would really have time to spare, which made him decide to just crawl under the covers as soon as he’d come home and fed himself with Thursday’s leftovers. 

The message he typed out was a spur of the moment kind of thing, but he couldn’t take the words back once they were sent. He could always play it off as a joke if it didn’t turn out well.

 

**To Harry Styles**

_ Hey uhm, next week’s a long weekend, since Friday’s a bank holiday… and I’m not on call for any of the three days. Think you might have time to show me Paris?  _

 

He spent another hour on Netflix, watching Friends  _ again _ before he was surprised by a message popping up.

 

**From Harry Styles**

_ Omg, yes!!!! I have a shoot I can’t really reschedule Friday in the morning but after that I’m free. Gemma’s off to England these two weeks anyway so it’ll be nice to have company! It’ll be so good to see you again!!! _

 

He couldn’’t help the smile appearing on his face, nor the butterflies going crazy in his stomach. 

 

**To Harry Styles**

_ Are you sure? It’s your last chance to bail out, I’m gonna look for train tickets right now!  _

 

_ I’m not going to bail out! Please book your tickets! You should probably look into traveling Thursday evening if that’s a possibility with work, will be lots cheaper than on a bank holiday _

  
Louis crawled out of bed, fetching his laptop to go and look for said tickets. Harry was right, it was a lot cheaper to travel on Thursday night, but that meant he’d have to leave right after work to arrive in Paris shortly after midnight. He double checked with Harry if that was all right with him, but when he assured him he always stayed up late anyway, Louis clicked on the buy-button. He only cringed slightly when he typed in his credit card number, trying to figure out how he’d pay for the extra expense, but he decided he deserved a treat. The fact that he at least didn't have to pay for a hotel room made up for it a bit, he thought. 


	4. 4

“Pardon monsieur, nous sommes arrivés!” Louis woke up to a young woman shaking his shoulder with a gentle smile. He rubbed his eyes and saw she was right, a sign reading “Paris - gare du Nord” right outside the window he had been leaning against.

“Ah, merci beaucoup,” he mumbled in the best French he could manage in this state, offering her a kind smile in return to hers. She waved at him and continued on her way out of the train, leaving Louis to take down his trolley from the overhead compartment and getting off the train himself.

 

He’d fallen asleep soon after he’d boarded the Eurostar in London, after letting Harry know that he was on his way. It’d been a close call though, nearly missing his train in Sheffield after a crisis on the ward. Once on the platform, he checked his phone again, finding a message from Harry that he was at the station already and that he would wait at the announcement board at the end of the platforms. 

 

He hurried over there, the late hour and the fact that he’d been asleep when arriving making the platform nearly empty as he walked. 

Louis saw him as soon as he reached the end of the platform, Harry was looking up at another sign and therefore didn’t Louis’ approach. Seeing him again inexplicably took Louis’ breath away. They had only shared one night, and he’d seen plenty of pictures of Harry since, yet he apparently had forgotten how beautiful the other man was. It didn’t get any better when Harry turned and noticed him, a bright smile lighting up his face before he took a couple of big steps towards Louis. Or well, breathing did get easier somehow as he returned the smile, hugging Harry back when he wrapped his long arms around Louis.

 

“Hi,” Louis breathed, still smiling as he looked up at Harry.

“Hey,” Harry replied. “Would it… Is it okay for me to kiss you? I mean, I know we kissed in Antwerp, but I think we both believed that was the only and last time we saw each other, so I don’t want to assume.”

“Yeah,” Louis nodded, eyes already half lidded in anticipation, “yes, please.”

Harry’s lips were still dry and chapped, but also still soft and his kiss was still wonderful.

 

“Is it alright if we go home straight away? My shoot tomorrow is quite early, and I know you’ve only just arrived and probably want to see Paris, but I figured we could do that starting tomorrow,” Harry asked when they both leaned back, their smiles seemingly plastered on their lips.

“That’s very much okay, Harold, I am officially exhausted, even after sleeping almost the entire trip from London. I would kill for a bed.”

“Good,  _ Lewis, _ ” Harry stuck out his tongue at him. “It’ll still take us about half an hour on the metro, so let’s go then. Already got you a weekend-pass while I waited.” He handed Louis a small white card and reached into his pocket for his own as he lead them towards the entrance to the underground station. 

 

Their train arrived minutes after they’d gotten on the platform and Louis let Harry ramble to him about the city, about his course and about the shoot he had tomorrow. He liked listening to him and it led him into this wonderful state between being awake and sleeping, where hardly anything could really get to him. 

 

“So, I have to get up at seven tomorrow, leave at eight but you could sleep in and I’ll catch you here when I’m done, which should be around noon. We’ll head to the city centre then and I’ll show you around.”

“Uhm, I was actually wondering… would it be okay if I came along? Like, it’s okay if you say no, I’d totally get it, but I’m kinda curious now. You talk about it so animatedly, I’d like to see for myself what it’s like.” Louis asked, perched on the threshold of the room Harry had told him to take. It was normally his sister’s but she was gone and he’d simply changed the sheets so Louis had his own room and his own bed.

“Oh! Yeah, of course you could! That way we’re already close to the city and we’ll have more time to explore. Yes. Great idea! Should I wake you then?”

Louis grinned. “I’ll set my own alarm, thanks mum,” he winked, bidding Harry goodnight before he closed the door behind him. 

 

****

 

Louis wasn’t sure what he had expected from a set for a fashion photo shoot, but it wasn’t this: a small cramped flat filled to the brim with clothes racks, props, a makeup artist and a stylist, a big white screen that held some kind of background on the other side, and lots of photography equipment. Louis felt a bit out of place but mostly like he was taking up place that wasn’t even there to begin with. He watched on as Harry kissed everyone on the cheek twice upon arriving, waving when he was introduced as a friend and then perched himself on a countertop in the kitchen. There was just enough place left for him to fit on, surrounded by clothes and makeup. 

 

The model was a gorgeous brunette with long legs and a happy smile, her makeup rather light and sunny in contrast to the winter clothes she was wearing. 

The entire photoshoot took about three hours, the model changing clothes every five pictures, ending with her in a big winter coat, her face the only thing visible under the fluffy capuchon. 

“Ca y est, merci Gaelle,” Harry concluded after checking his last couple of shots on the screen of his camera. Louis chuckled at her visible relief to be able to take off the warm clothes in the already hot and secluded space and jumped off the counter. Harry had brought nothing more than his own camera but he still had to make sure the other equipment was safely stored away in the boxes that would stay behind in the flat. With Louis’ help, it only took them ten minutes before they were out on the streets again, both of them happy to get some fresh air. 

 

“Alright, let’s go. What does your Lonely Planet suggest?” Harry asked with a wink, making Louis bark out a laugh.

“I didn’t bring a Lonely Planet, I trusted you to be a better guide,” he chuckled. “Show me the places you like best. And of course the big landmarks as well, I love them, but I want to see Paris from the other side as well, you know?”

“Got it, let’s grab some lunch first though, I’m starving.” Harry held out his hand, intertwining their fingers as soon as Louis grabbed it. 

Louis let him lead them through small, busy streets and over broad boulevards, constantly commenting about the neighbourhood they were in or a building they walked past, until they finally arrived at a tiny bakery in a small alley. Harry obviously wasn’t the only one who knew about it though, judging from the long line standing outside. 

It moved fast though, and it took no more than 15 minutes before they were outside again, this time with bread, cheese and croissants in hand. 

As they walked on, Louis recognised the Champs Elysees while Harry led him further to the Jardins des Tuilleries, planting himself on the lawn for a proper “déjeuner sur l’herbe”, as he put it. 

 

“How’s work?” he asked Louis around a mouthful of bread, evoking a sigh.

“I love it, I really do. It’s even better than I expected it to be and my co-workers are all really lovely, even the attendings. I’ve already made tons of friends so it’s great. But I hate the misery I see sometimes. I hate to tell parents that their kid is really sick and will need chemo, or might not make it.”

“I can’t even imagine how horrible that must be.” Harry solemnly replied. 

“It is. Telling Leo and his mum that his heart is giving up, after fighting leukemia for almost a year and even beating it, that was hard.”

“He’s the kid that’s going on the transplant list, right?”

“Yep. I just hope they’ll find a heart for him before it’s too late.”

“Fuck. And I complained about my photoshop not doing what I wanted yesterday.”

“Hey, that’s alright. Last week I complained about Tesco’s inability to stock up on my favourite crisps before movie night, it’s not because someone else’s misery is worse in the grand scheme of things that we can’t complain about ours,” Louis interjected, reaching for another croissant because they were simply heavenly. “Besides, I came here to relax and forget about all that misery, so let’s just not talk about it for the rest of the weekend, please?”

“Deal,” Harry agreed, leaning in for a bite of Louis’ croissant and a quick kiss. 

 

Friday afternoon was entirely dedicated to the most important landmarks, they sauntered through the city, passing by the Louvre museum, the Notre dame cathedral and along the borders of the Seine to the Eiffel tower. The sun had set long before they decided to head back, shoes too tight on their swollen feet as they cuddled close on the metro back to Harry’s flat. Louis felt slightly guilty when Harry announced he’d be editing his pictures for what little remained of the night, but still was mostly happy when he crawled under the covers after a long and sweet good night’s kiss. 

 

Both Saturday and Sunday were rainy and somber, but they didn’t let it ruin their plans. Bundled up against the wind and rain, they huddled close together as Harry led Louis to his favourite places in the city, ducking inside for tea or a pastry whenever the rain became too heavy or they got too cold. All in all, they talked a lot, kissed at least as much and held hands the entire weekend. It had been better than Louis had dared to hope, yet by the time Sunday night arrived, he wasn’t as sure if it was something to be happy about.

They sat in a small brasserie near the station, grabbing dinner before he’d have to catch his train. 

 

“Is it weird that I’m not sure if I’m happy I came here this weekend?” he asked Harry once their waiter had gathered their soup bowls.

“Probably not, but please explain,” Harry smiled easily.

“Just… The night we had in Antwerp was wonderful, definitely. But even if we kept talking online, it was still one night and I could still tell myself that was all it was. Now I’m afraid I’ve come to like you too much and I’ll start to really miss you. Not just the idea of you, but you as a person.”

“Do you regret coming here?” 

Louis could tell Harry wasn’t judging, just interested and trying to understand what he meant. “No. Definitely not. I had a great weekend, and I absolutely loved spending time with you. But maybe that’s part of the problem,” he sighed.

“Lou, look. I was never looking for a relationship, still ain’t. I don’t have time for it and I don’t want a partner to withhold me from pursuing any dreams or opportunities. So I choose not to have a partner, that makes it easier. But yes, I like you, and I had a wonderful time.”

“Me too,” Louis nodded.

“Can’t we just let it be that, though? A great weekend spent together, and a lovely friendship between us that’s mostly online because of the distance. Isn’t that enough?”

“Perhaps. I’d have to say I’m on the same page when it comes to relationships,” Louis mused. “Me job’s busy enough as it is, I wouldn’t even have time for a boyfriend at home, let alone a long distance relationship,” he confirmed. He smiled at Harry when he gripped his hand.

“Sometimes a friend is even more important than a partner, Louis, and I’d be happy to call you my friend, honestly,” he smiled back.

Louis laughed quietly at his own distress. “Yeah, you’re right. The kissing is a nice benefit, though.”

Harry let out a loud laugh as well, clapping his hand over his mouth in delight. “Very true!”

 

They finished their meals, Louis’ melancholy mostly shoved to the background now that they’d talked about it and were apparently both on the same page. It felt much like a déja-vu when they retrieved Louis’ trolley from the locker he’d stuffed it in that morning, and found the right platform before saying goodbye.

“I  _ will  _ miss you, though,” Louis whispered in between kisses, wishing that the moist he could feel building behind his eyes wouldn’t betray him.

“Me too,” Harry nodded, kissing him again, a bit more desperately this time. 

“Wrong time, wrong place, I suppose.”

“Yeah. Maybe we’ll get a second chance, one day. Or a third or a fourth.”

Louis chuckled. “Do you believe in fate, then?”

“Only if it comes to pretty boys,” Harry winked, pressing another soft kiss to his lips. “And try to think of it this way, we’ve made us some wonderful memories and no one can ever take them away from us.”

“You’re a sap, Harold, you’re ridiculous,” Louis rolled his eyes, but there was no bite whatsoever behind his statement. 

“And you’re lying if you say you don’t like it,” Harry laughed. “But you should go, or the train will leave without you and I wouldn’t want your kids to have to do without their doctor Tommo for longer than strictly necessary.”

Louis looked behind him and noticed that he was indeed the last one on the platform, the railway guard already on his way to jump on the train himself. He bit his lip and nodded, forcing himself to let go of Harry with one last kiss before running towards the door closest to him and finding his seat. At least he managed to keep his tears from rolling down until he couldn’t see Harry waving at him anymore. He counted it as a win. 


	5. 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: mentions of alcohol abuse in this chapter and the next two!

The week leading up to Halloween was absolute madness in the children’s hospital. 

The nurses on Louis’ ward had worked together with the kids who were well enough to help to decorate the hallway and the doors, and most of them had a mask or a crazy hat to try and scare staff members coming into their room on Friday. 

There’d be a small party held in the playroom in the afternoon and Jo had been kind enough to give Louis, Dan and Nick the afternoon off so they could attend. As impossible as it had seemed, they and all of their close friends also had the weekend off and they’d have their own Halloween party the day after at their favourite pub, which would probably entail more alcohol, but at least they could recycle the same outfit.

 

Dan, Louis, Niall and Ed had gone costume shopping the week before, Zayn having to bail out because he’d come down with a cold. It had been absolutely hilarious as they all tried on sexy nurse costumes as well as some horror surgeon-ones. In the end Louis had decided on a flight suit, Dan went as Pikachu, Ed as Olaf from Frozen and Niall chose a Minion-costume. 

 

On Friday, Nick had apparently just brought a pink feathered boa and the most ridiculous pair of giant pink sunglasses, which made them quite a trio as they made their way from the locker room to the ward where the party would start any minute. Music could be heard as soon as they walked through the sliding doors and it was obvious that the nursing staff was doing their best to get all kids into the playroom as soon as possible so the party could really start. 

Louis had heard from the other interns that on some of the other wards the kids would be taken trick or treating throughout the hospital, but since their ward was a quarantined one, that wasn’t a possibility here. He could tell the staff had made up for it though, by supplying giant bowls of candy and crisps, allowing all of their patients to forget about a healthy or restrictive diet for one afternoon. 

 

There were already about 10 kids in the room when they arrived, all of them attacking the candy before looking around to take a look at the games that had been set up and moving along to the music. The three of them took it upon themselves to entertain, at least until everyone was brought into the room and Liv took the lead, as she was the moving force behind the entire party. 

 

However Louis liked all the kids, and cared for them equally, he kept an extra close eye on Leo. It had been about a month since they’d had the news that he’d been accepted for the transplant waiting list and it had been none too soon. His condition deteriorated every week and Louis couldn’t help fearing that he might not live long enough for actually getting a transplant. He looked pale today, and constantly out of breath even with the oxygen cylinder on the back of his wheelchair. 

 

Louis checked the other kids and saw that everyone was busy with Liv’s latest game of apple catching and his help wasn’t acutely necessary, moving over to where Leo’s wheelchair was. He pulled up a chair and straddled the back, tilting back his cap a bit and removing his aviators. 

“Having fun mate?” he asked, grinning when Leo smiled brightly and nodded. 

“I always loved Halloween doctor Tommo! I’m so glad we’re having a party here,” his voice sounded weak and he had to pause to breathe several times, but Louis tried to focus on the happiness he radiated. Leo was the ill one and if he could be happy, so should Louis. 

They talked for a little longer, laughing at the other’s antics since Leo couldn’t exactly participate in the games or dance. 

It was almost five when everyone was getting tired, a few of them had actually already curled up in a sofa and nearly fallen asleep. Louis found Leo sleeping in his wheelchair in a corner and offered to take him back to bed while the others took care of the rest and Dan and Nick restored the playroom to its original state.

 

Nick was already leaving the locker room when Louis arrived, Dan trying to fix her hair that’d been stuffed in her costume for hours. 

“You okay?” she asked as she eyed him through the mirror.

Louis shrugged.

“You worry about Leo, don’t you?”

“Yeah, don’t you?”

“Of course I do, but it seems worse for you. Which is normal, I guess, since you were the one who had to break the news about the transplant.”

“It’s just… What if he doesn’t live long enough to get a new heart? He would’ve been hoping for nothing and the idea alone makes me sad.”

“Hey,” Dan said softly, putting down her stuff and closing the distance between them. “Hope is never useless, alright? Is it the first time you’ve had a case like this?”

“First time I’ve followed it from this close, yes. It sucks. Do you ever get used to it?” he asked, nuzzling into her neck as she pulled him into a hug.

“No, not really, but I’ve learned to block it off a little. I had a girl like Leo last year, it kept me awake at night and I did twice the hours I was supposed to, but she still died. I’m still glad I did it back then, but I wouldn’t do it again. I try not to let it get to me as much now, but it’s a hard learning school for all of us.”

“It’s just so unfair and it goes against everything we’re taught. We’re supposed to cure, not to watch them die.” Louis complained, smiling slightly when Dan ruffled his hair.

“You’ll be fine, love, I promise. I’ve got to go now though, made plans to go bowling with Ed and Niall. See you tomorrow, yeah?”

 

Louis contemplated knocking on Zayn’s door when he walked passed but he’d probably be crappy company anyway so in the end he decided to just head to bed and try to sleep off his bad mood. 

 

****

 

A phone call to his mum was what finally resolved the last remainders of his bad mood on Saturday morning. Preparing for the Halloween party after that was rather fun. Niall, Ed, Dan and Zayn all arrived at Louis’ at three in the afternoon to get ready together and most importantly for predrinks. It was definitely going to be a fun night.

 

Music in the pub was loud, and with everyone dressed up it seemed even easier than it already usually was to get drunk and let loose. From where he was sitting now, he could see at least four of his co-workers snogging with someone they’d either never seen before or worked with on a daily basis. He even spotted Dawn Finnerty snogging some boy toy with all of the hospital’s residents around. What Halloween and alcohol couldn’t do. 

Louis had been dancing all night up until now, together with Niall, Dan, Ed and Zayn. Zayn’d bailed out half an hour ago with the excuse of his cold and a night shift on Sunday and the other three were still running havoc on the dance floor. It’d been a right laugh, but Louis just needed to sit down for a bit, only now feeling exactly how much he’d had to drink. A bit too much, perhaps. 

He smiled when he noticed Dan and Niall emerge from the throng of people, finding a spot to lean against the bar three feet away from where he sat. Curiously enough, they only seemed to have eyes for each other, wrapped up in some kind of drunk embrace and breathing each other’s air. 

Interesting, Louis thought, checking his phone when it buzzed in his pocket. It was a notification for a couple of pictures Harry had posted on his instagram, all of them featuring models and fashion. He clicked the app away and looked up at his friends again, jaw dropping when he found Niall and Dan in a lip-lock that could feature in an R-rated movie, only to be jostled when Ed ran past, shoving his shoulder in his haste to get outside. 

Louis wasn’t sure what to do, should he stay, see what on earth Niall and Dan were up to (might get interesting, after all) of should he go after Ed? 

Of course there had been some jealous looks from Ed when Niall and Dan were acting particularly close, but they’d never been really couply, and Louis had never noticed any interest in Dan when he’d talked to Ed. Weird.

 

Before he’d had the time to decide what to do, both Dan and Niall came to find him, both hanging off of one of his shoulders, laughing loudly.

“Man, that really felt more wrong than I could’ve imagined,” Niall brought out, Dan nodding breathlessly.

Louis frowned. “So uhm, you guys are not into each other?”

“Us?” Dan gasped. “Hell no. Even drunkenly snogging felt like kissing my brother.”

“Okay, uhm, I think you might wanna go after Ed than, he seemed quite upset seeing you two tongue wrestling.”

“Who, me?” Dan questioned. “Why should Ed be upset about Niall kissing me? We’ve slept together last year but well... we weren’t really compatible so we decided to be friends. He of all people should understand what this was like.”

“So… Ed wouldn’t be jealous of Niall then?”

“Jealous?” Niall scoffed, face going blank when he realised what Louis had said. “Wait, you think he got jealous?”

“It sure looked like it just now yeah, does every time when you two cuddle on my couch,” Louis confirmed before turning around to get another beer. This was getting too complicated to handle without more beer. 

“Fuck,” Niall muttered, grabbing Louis’ beer from the counter and running outside before he could complain. 

“This is turning into a Grey’s Anatomy episode faster than I can handle and I don’t like it one bit,” Dan whined, ordering herself another colourful sugary cocktail and a replacement for Louis’ stolen beer. “Come on, Lou, dance with me!”

She tugged him back onto the dance floor, but when Niall and Ed still hadn’t returned after half an hour, they got kinda worried and a bit bored, so they decided to head home. 

 

The walk home was short, luckily, and uneventful up until they stumbled upon Ed and Niall snogging in their entrance hall. Well then, that was unexpected to say the least. Dan’s eyes were practically falling out of their sockets when Louis let them inside his flat, knowing they’d both need to vent about what they just witnessed.

“I can’t believe Niall never told me he liked Ed! Hell, he never even told me anything that would’ve led to me thinking he might be into guys! He’s supposed to be my best friend!” Louis exclaimed as Dan was still too shocked to say anything.

“I’m so going to roast him over this, he won’t know what happened to him,” he continued, distracted when Dan groaned and rested her head between her knees.

“I can’t believe I’ve been fifth wheeling their dates without even realising it. From what I gathered tonight, they didn’t realise it themselves either. Oh god. When did I wake up in Seattle Grace hospital because this  _ must _ be Grey’s Anatomy?!

Once they were both done complaining, they checked if the hallway was clear and Dan quickly ran up to her own flat, no desire whatsoever to run into the snogging couple again.

 

While Louis had been rather sleepy on the walk home, discovering that his best friend was snogging another friend of theirs and apparently liked him as well had spiked his adrenalin levels enough for him to be wide awake once he was in bed. He smiled at the way his ceiling seemed to be spinning and he let his leg slide out of bed to put his foot on the floor and make the dizziness go away. He tried counting sheep, then counting backwards from thousand but sleep wouldn’t come, so he finally gave in and grabbed his phone, switching the wifi back on before opening Facebook. Harry had apparently just made a post, a notification already waiting for him when he logged on.

 

**To Harry Styles**

_ Why are you up so late??? _

 

Three dots already appeared, meaning Harry was typing.

 

**From Harry Styles**

_ Editing. Got a deadline for a spread on Monday morning. This isn’t really late for me though, I usually work through the night when I’ve got deadlines ahead. What are you still doing up though? And on Facebook. Didn’t you have that Halloweenparty tonight? _

 

_ Yes! Apart from the alcohol to make me forget about the misery with Leo, it sucked. Zayn left early, Niall and Dan snogged and made Ed run out and now apparently Ed and Niall are a thing.  _

 

_ Okay then… you snog anyone? _

_ No. Was too busy drinking and dancing to look for someone to snog.  _

 

Next thing he knew, he had a Facetime request, Harry’s name and picture flashing on his screen. He frowned but still picked up, reaching for the switch of his bedside lamp.

 

“Are you okay?” Harry asked as soon as his face filled the screen. He looked tired, his pale face accentuated by the desktop lamp beside him. 

“Yes, why wouldn’t I be?” Louis replied, aiming for indignant but ending up more confused.

“Because you’ve been miserable over that kid for days and you keep mentioning you’ve been drinking to forget about it. And because your friends were all having fun and you weren’t.”

“I had fun!” Louis protested. “Just, I hadn’t expected all of them to start snogging, let alone Niall and Ed getting together. And drinking to forget isn’t as bad as it sounds, Leo just wasn’t well yesterday and I couldn’t get it out of my head.”

“Are you sure Lou?”

“Yes! I’m not an alcoholic, alright?” Louis yelled exasperatedly.

“Okay, okay, I was just a bit worried,” Harry placated, hands up in defence.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled at you,” Louis apologised.

“No harm done.”

“Are you alright though? You look tired,” Louis observed.

“That’s because I am. Been having long days and short nights all week because of the deadline this Monday. It’s kind of important that I get it right, if my boss is happy I’ll get the chance to cover fashion week, so yeah…”

“I’d tell you off, but my weeks haven’t been much better. Just work and sleep.”

“Hmmm. Good that you had a chance to party then.”

“Yep. And I’m going to blame this entirely on the fact that I am an emotional drunk and that I even saw an attending snogging her boy toy tonight, but I kinda miss you.”

Harry chuckled and smiled sweetly. “I’m not drunk but emotional is my default state, so I don’t mind. And I miss you too.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. If you were here or I was there and our jobs weren’t as busy, I would’ve asked you out long time ago already.”

“Stop giving me hope, Harold,” Louis teased.

“Go to sleep Lou, you need to catch it when you can,” Harry smiled.

“Yeah, okay. Take care, yeah?”

“Always. Night Lou.”

“Night love.”

  
Louis felt better, calmer after that, and was asleep seconds after putting his phone back on his bedside table and flicking off the light. 


	6. 6

November had been hard. Louis had always been sensitive for things like the weather and the fact that November had been filled with days and weeks of rain and wind hadn’t helped to relieve his bad mood. Leo’s condition either. 

The boy had some good days, which gave everyone hope, but the day after was always just as bad as before, or even worse. And while Louis knew he should expect that, it still came as a blow every single time. 

He also missed 3 out of 4 movie nights because he happened to be on call, and Niall had been particularly busy with his new boyfriend. It wasn’t that he wasn’t happy for his best friend, they’d had a couple of celebratory beers once Niall had knocked on his door that Sunday, shrugging as he told Louis he never deemed it necessary to come out as long as it wasn’t relevant, but he was getting quite lonely.

The only people he’d talked to in over a week were Dan and Nick, Zayn in passing in the morning and Harry on Facebook. It just sucked. 

He’d been on call that Thursday night so movie night had been held at Ed’s and according to Dan’s rambling when he ran into her in the locker room, him and Niall had been absolutely disgustingly cute together. He was just changing out of his stained scrubs, looking forward to crawling into bed after having checked on Leo when his pager went off, causing him to groan. Dan’s started beeping a second later and they looked at each other when they discovered they were both being paged to the staff room with code 911, meaning they had to leave everything and hurry the fuck up. 

 

Louis dropped his dirty scrubs in the hamper and quickly changed into clean ones before following Dan outside, running towards the staff room and almost colliding with Ed, Zayn and Nick, finding Nial, Gaby and all the attending paediatrics working on Leo’s transplant case already inside.

Did this mean that…?

His question was soon answered when Jo Wilson ran inside seconds after them, still out of breath but with a giant smile on her face. “We’ve got a heart for him. It’s only in London so his surgery will be before noon.”

They all cheered before moving over to business, deciding who would do what. 

 

“I’ll go and tell Leo and his mum,” Louis offered when they came to that part of the plan.

“Louis? Weren’t you on call last night? You should’ve been home already when I paged everyone. Go and get some sleep,” Jo told him. 

He kept refusing though, telling her he’d been on this case since the beginning and he wanted to see it through now.

“Alright,” she finally conceded. “But at least go and catch some sleep in the on call room once you’ve brought them the good news. Dan and Nick can handle the rest of his preparation.”

 

An hour later, when Louis finally crashed into one of the bunkbeds in the on call room, he was so tired he couldn’t sleep. He lay wide awake, counting the metal wires on the bunk above him for a while, then checking his Facebook but everyone was working or at school so there wasn’t much to check. He liked a couple of Harry’s new pictures on instagram, left a message on their chat and turned around again, hoping to find sleep, but alas, he had no such luck.

He’d had a couple of nights like that, over the last weeks, probably due to his more frequent night shifts and his worries about Leo, but nothing a glass of his stepdad’s whiskey hadn’t been able to help with. 

It would probably help now, as well, but he couldn’t very well drink whiskey when he would be working again in only a couple of hours so he finally got up and went to the cafeteria in search of coffee. The next best thing, really. 

 

Once he managed to get a cup of liquid gold, he made his way upstairs to the operating theatres, looking for Leo’s name on the whiteboard to see which theatre he was in. He quickly located the right one and took the stairs next to the door, knowing he’d end up in the seats upstairs where he’d be able to look as the surgeons worked. Dan, Nick, Ed, Jo and Alex were already there, eating their lunches and drinking coffee as well and Louis spotted Christina Rosales with Zayn on one side of the table, Robert Flack with Niall and Gaby on the other side. Dawn Finnerty, the treating cardiologist was standing at the side, obviously wanting to be closer than the upstairs seats for when something needed her attention. 

“How’s it going?” Louis asked Ed as he sat down next to him.

“They’ve just bypassed his heart, Niall’s about to prepare the donor heart now, I think,” Ed mumbled, trying to see what his boyfriend was doing. Louis rolled his eyes, catching Dan’s smirk as she mocked Ed’s heart eyes.

 

It was almost six when the surgery was finally finished. They’d hit a few bumps in the road but nothing major had happened and they expected Leo to recover in the span of a couple of weeks to months. So all in all, things were looking up when Louis finally went home, almost 12 hours after the end of his shift. 

He decided he’d deserved a glass of whiskey in celebration, sending off a message to Harry that he wouldn’t make it for their scheduled facetime call as he would be asleep and emptied his glass on his way to the bedroom, falling asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

 

***

 

Over the next couple of weeks, things went well. Leo was well on his way to recovery, the only thing bothering him being the corticosteroids he needed to take to avoid rejection but they would be switched for long term anti-rejection meds soon. 

Louis and Harry were doing great as well, facetiming at least once a week. Harry had his press pass for Paris fashion week secured so he could slow down slightly, though it wasn’t much and Louis felt lighter now that Leo was doing better. Even his sleeping problem was better now that he’d taken to drinking a glass of whiskey before bed, sometimes two, often while he was on the phone with Harry. It had just become his sleeping ritual and it was working, so he wasn’t complaining. Him and Harry were still just friends, not wanting to add the complex reality of a long distance relationship into the equation, but there was a lot of flirting and Louis kind of missed kissing Harry. He’d never admit it out loud though, just like he only admitted that he missed Harry as a person when he was drunk, which was probably about once a week at least when he went out to the pub. Sometimes on his own, sometimes with Lottie, sometimes with friends and co-workers. 

The tricky part about it was that he had to make sure he’d fallen asleep before he started thinking about the reason he needed alcohol to sleep and stop thinking, or he would only end up feeling worse. 

He was doing better though, Leo was on the mend and Louis started to worry less. There was always misery of course, when working at a hospital and especially in the ward he was at, but it hit him less hard, his walls built stronger and his heart stonier.

 

****

 

Two weeks after Leo’s surgery, the entire transplant-crew was called into the staff room by doctor Finnerty who they found to be accompanied by the guy she’d been snogging at Halloween. Dan and Louis both giggled behind their hands until Dawn cleared her throat and started explaining why she had asked for them to meet. 

Apparently the boy toy was called Liam Payne and he owned a magazine. He was still starting it, building up an audience and publishing online as well as on paper to get as much reads as he could. 

Dawn had obviously told him about the little boy that needed a heart transplant after beating leukemia and he had taken an interest. He’d already interviewed Leo and his mum and now he wanted interviews with the medical staff behind their story. Dawn and Liam had drawn up a schedule for the interviews, and Louis found his own name pencilled in the day after, at three in the afternoon. 

 

****

 

Liam was nice, Louis decided. They had been talking for an hour now, and it hadn’t felt like an interview for one second of it. Liam was genuinely interested in both Louis as a person and a doctor, and the case of Leo. They ended up talking for three hours, about everything from their jobs to Premier League and which pizza place was best. 

 

“I really have to go now mate, got a movie night lined up,” Louis grinned. “I’ve got a friend who’s a photographer by the way, he would love your project and I’m sure he’d like to work with you if he were in the country. I’ll keep you in mind for when he returns!”

 

Liam was positively beaming at that last comment and wanted to add something but Louis was already being whisked away by Dan, whooping about movie night.

 

****

 

It was a regular Wednesday in December, skies grey and holding the promise of snow when Liv paged him. “Hi love, what’s up?” he asked as soon as she answered the phone.

“Louis, it’s… it’s Leo. He’s running a fever,” she stammered, sounding devastated by the news herself.

“Fuck,” Louis cursed. He checked his agenda and saw he had only one appointment left. They would either have to wait, or be seen by Nick who was seeing outpatients as well for the afternoon. “Hold on, I’m on my way!” He dropped his stuff, meaning to pick it up later before he went home and alerted the secretary that he was needed on the ward and told her to ask Nick to take over his last patient. It wasn’t very far to the ward, but somehow it seemed like miles, Louis having to force himself not to run but keep a steady pace and smile at the patients he crossed in the hallways. 

 

Liv was already waiting for him at the doors, a worried frown on her face as she focused on the chart she was holding.

“Talk,” Louis told her as they made their way to Leo’s room, disinfecting their hands and pulling on the annoying paper gowns that were needed for entering a room with high infection risk.

“He was fine this morning, bloodwork okay, temperature okay, urine sample okay. I went to check on him just now and he was sweating and terribly hot. His temp’s up to 40 degrees,” Liv summarised. “He’s obviously not feeling well, so I called you. Already left him a container for a new urine sample to see if it’s CMV, but I’m not sure if he’s been able to pee since then.”

“Okay, thanks, we’ll see soon enough,” Louis nodded, pulling the mask over his mouth and pasting on a smile before entering the room, Liv hot on his heels.

“Hi Leo!” he cheerily said, but he could easily tell that it didn’t matter, Leo wouldn’t even notice if he was happy or not, he was too ill to pay attention to anything. 

The kid’s eyes were closed, his shaggy blond hair sticking to his forehead with sweat and the sheets looked like he had been thrashing around while sleeping.

“Could you take his temp again, Liv? I’ll call someone else to bring us the stuff I’ll be needing so we don’t have to change again.” He was already on the phone with Allison, one of Liv’s colleagues, asking her to bring in a set for a blood sample, a bladder catheter and an IV-set with paracetamol.

“It’s up to 41° now Lou,” Liv told him gravely.

“Bloody hell!” he cursed. “‘S probably CMV then, but we should get confirmation before we start the antiviral meds. And here we thought we were almost out of the woods.”

 

CMV was a rather common infection after transplant surgery because of the immune system being paralysed by the corticosteroids, especially in winter. Louis had thought it wouldn’t cause any more problems in this stage though, corticosteroids almost reduced to zero and replaced by cyclosporin, an immunosuppressant which held less risk for infections. 

Allison knocked on the door only minutes later, Liv answering to get the things she’d brought them and Louis worked quickly. First he inserted a bladder catheter to get a urine sample, next he placed a drip in his left arm and collected blood from it before infusing the paracetamol through it. 

“Check his temp every half hour, it should be going down with the paracetamol. Update me every time you check on him, I’m gonna go and fill in Jo,” he ordered, already halfway out the door and pulling off his sterile clothes before running off to Jo’s office on the second floor. 

 

Jo Wilson’s worried frown mirrored his own when he told her about Leo, though she was more one to sigh than to curse like Louis was. 

“Could you update the resident on call before you go home Louis? I’d do it but Alex is picking me up in exactly three minutes and we’ve got a babysitter for tonight so I really can’t stay. Tell them to call me if anything changes for worse, alright?”

“It’s fine, I’m staying until his fever goes down and we have the first lab results back so I can put him on aciclovir,” Louis commented offhandedly, following her out of her office and almost bumping into her when she abruptly stopped.

“You have been working all day, Louis, you should go home and have some rest. I know there are attendings who don’t care about their residents working 80 hours a week, but I will not have that happen on my watch. It’s unhealthy for you, as well as it influences patient care for the worse. We have a resident on call who I’m sure is perfectly capable of handling this, exactly for this purpose.”

Louis gave her a cold stare. “I’m not going home knowing that my patient is in here, ill and not receiving the best possible care. I’m staying to take care of him and nothing you say is going to keep me from doing so.”

“Okay, Doctor Tomlinson, but please note that this is against my orders and if you pull this trick one more time, we will be having a talk with the chief,” Jo replied, voice clipped, her shoulders visibly relaxing when Alex Karev appeared behind her and put his hand on her waist. “I mean it, Louis, this is going to end badly,” she added in a softer voice before turning to smile at her husband.

“I just need to take care of Leo,” Louis muttered, knowing she couldn’t hear him anymore as she was already halfway down the hall. 

 

By the time he was back on the ward, the somber faces of the nursing staff said more than enough.

“How is he?” he asked regardlessly.

“Same. Fever’s not coming down so far,” Liv replied.

Louis nodded, noting something on the laptop standing on the cart and made a call to the lab to make sure they’d alert him first thing when they had results of the viral tests.

 

When Leo’s fever still hadn’t come down three hours after administering the paracetamol, Louis gave orders to add ibuprofen while they still didn’t know which virus was causing it. The mood on the ward was gravely to say the least, especially with Leo’s mum out of the country for a work conference and having to bring asking her to come back in time into the equation. Once he got the message that the fever had dropped a little, he rubbed his eyes and went to the on call room, curling up on the bottom bunk with his phone in hand.

It was late, but knowing Harry, he would probably still be up so Louis pressed call and waited for Harry’s face to appear on his screen. 

 

“Hi Lou!” he greeted, looking happy and slightly drunk, maybe. From the looks of it, he wasn’t in his usual place behind his computer but rather in some kind of pub. “Hold on, I’m gonna go outside so I can hear you better!”

There was some ruckus, faces flashing by as Harry apparently pulled on his coat and meandered through the crowd to get outside. “Sorry, we’re out with work, early Christmas drinks, it’s apparently some kind of tradition over here. How are you?”

Louis tried to smile, but he knew it wasn’t really working. “I’m alright, just a rough day at work. Look, you’re busy, I shouldn’t be bothering you, I’ll just go and try to sleep a bit,” he muttered, already on his way to close the application.

“Hey! No! Come on, don’t do this. You’re obviously not alright, and though it’s not the first time that you’ve told me you are while everyone can see you aren’t, tonight seems particularly rough. What’s going on Lou?”

“I’m fine, Harry, I wish everyone would stop worrying about me,” he yelled. “I’m not the one lying in a quarantined room running a fever because I caught a stupid infection that might get me killed even after I’ve fooled death two times already!”

“Oh Lou,” Harry whispered. There were so many things he wanted to reply to, but those two words were the only ones slipping out. “Is it Leo?”

“Yeah,” Louis said, voice breaking. “I really thought he would be fine and now this.” A lone tear escaped his eye and rolled down his cheek. He didn’t even move to wipe it away, just hung his head as more tears followed. “What if he dies, Harry?” he sniffled, his arms thrown around his chest to try and keep himself together. 

Harry didn’t know what to say, but he knew that this wasn’t a conversation he should be having out on the streets in front of a bar. He fished his earphones out of his pocket and plugged them in before speed walking to the nearest underground station, Louis now full on sobbing at the other end of the call. 

“Lou, Lou!” he insisted before going down the stairs. “I’m going to take the metro now, okay, so I might lose my connection. If I do, I’ll call you back as soon as I’m home, it shouldn’t be longer than fifteen minutes, okay?”

“You… You don’t have to call me back Harry, I should just pull myself together and go do my job.” Louis seemed to emerge from his bubble at Harry’s statement, furiously wiping away his tears and trying to stop his sniffles and sobs. 

“Shut up, Louis. This is the first time in all these months that I see you displaying an emotion and I’m not going to let you stop it. You wait there until I call you back, you hear me?” Harry almost yelled, feeling angry and sad and compassionate and powerless, all at the same time. It was only at the bottom of the stairs that he realised his connection was gone, unsure how much Louis had caught from his little speech. 

 

His ride home seemed to last hours instead of the mere minutes it really was, and he almost freaked out when the call wouldn’t connect when he tried again as soon as he emerged on the streets again. 

He had just walked inside when finally, it worked.

“Louis,” he sighed relieved. “Oh my god, finally, I thought something had happened.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you,” Louis sniffled, arms still slung around his torso. “Just had a call from the ward that his fever is rising again.”

“Lou, I never wanted to say anything because it probably wasn’t my place, but I’ve been worrying about you for weeks now,” Harry admitted, regretting that Louis was only on the other side of his screen so he couldn’t reach out and hold him.

“What? Why?” Louis looked up, suddenly alarmed at Harry’s words.

“Because the only thing you do is work and sleep. And you can’t sleep without drinking. And you worry, so you drink to stop worrying. And you won’t allow yourself to feel anything. This isn’t healthy Lou.”

“Would you guys just all stop worrying and interfering? I am  _ fine. _ It’s just that death seems particularly keen on taking one of my patients and that is hard, okay?!”

“So other people are worrying as well?”

“For fuck’s sake, Harry. I called you in hopes you would want to talk and distract me a bit but all you do is make it worse. This isn’t about me, this is about a 12 year old kid who’s dying, so please, keep your worry and your compassion, I don’t need it!” Louis yelled, disconnecting the call soon after. 

 

Harry tried calling him back, but he wouldn’t pick up, or answer in their Facebook chat. Finally, he gave up on calling him and started looking through their chat and texts in search of names of Louis’ friends in Sheffield, but all he found were first names. He couldn’t very well call the hospital and ask for their numbers if he didn’t even know their last names. 

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuuuuuuuuuuuck!” he shouted, realising belatedly that Gemma was probably asleep, or maybe not anymore now. “Facebook,” he realised. “He probably has his friends on Facebook.”

 

He flipped open his laptop and waited for it to boot, typing in the url he needed as soon as he could. Clicking through to Louis’ profile page, he opened his list of friends, scrolling through it until he found a familiar name that seemed to match the person he’d heard of before. 

Praying the guy was still awake, he clicked the befriend-button and typed out a quick message to tell him who he was and why he was contacting him.

There was no reply, but Harry knew he couldn’t do much more right now. Maybe he could add a day or two to his Christmas leave, stopping in Sheffield before or after returning home. He’d look into that tomorrow. 


	7. 7

Niall smiled at Ed, the way he was cuddled up close to him even as he slept soundly. He couldn’t sleep himself, he’d had a couple of night shifts and he always had a hard time switching schedules. Rolling out of bed, he decided to go and find something to eat and maybe something to watch on the telly, switching his wifi on while he stumbled to the kitchen. 

He pushed two slices of bread into the toaster and looked at the notifications that had started to come in. 

 

A friendship request on Facebook, that was weird, he never got those because he hardly ever went on Facebook. He clicked on it and was met with a familiar face. It took him a minute to place the guy, but when he saw the name, he realised it was Louis’ Harry. Odd. He clicked accept though, immediately finding a message from Harry and  _ fucking shit. _ Apparently Louis had crashed. They’d all seen it coming for a long time now, but of course it would happen tonight, when he was alone. Niall chuckled humorlessly, of course Louis would crash when he was alone, as if he would let it happen with anyone to see. While munching on his toast, he thought about the best way to handle this and tried calling Louis to at least find out where he was but his cellphone had been switched off. He had a key to Louis’ flat, of course, but he didn’t really want to use it on his own if he wasn’t sure how he would find Louis there. Ed was out like a light, so taking him along wasn’t really an option, Zayn was on call at the A&E in another hospital, so that left Dan. She would probably be still awake anyway.

 

Anxiety tried to worm its way into his stomach but he pushed it down, knowing that it was no use to get worked up about this, it wouldn’t make it any heasier.

He quickly and quietly got dressed, leaving a note for Ed to find in case he woke up and made his way to the flat next door to knock on the wood in hopes Dan would be there.

It took a couple of minutes, but finally the door opened, revealing Dan in a long shirt and a pair of bright pink knickers. “Niall? Did you lock yourself out of Ed’s flat again?” she asked through a yawn.

“Hey! That happened once! But no, it’s… it’s Louis. I got a message from his friend, Harry? Apparently he’s crashed. I didn’t want to go find him on my own, could you…?”

“Dan? Who is it?” Niall was interrupted by a girl, seemingly in a similar state of undress who stuck her head around the corner of Dan’s bedroom.

“Two minutes,” Dan told Niall, shutting the door to his face, probably to explain the situation to the unknown girl -which, interesting!- and get dressed. 

Niall used the two minutes to frantically try and call Louis again and again and again but as expected his phone was still off. He left a message after the annoying beep to call as soon as Louis heard it, but hoped they would find him before he switched his phone back on in the morning.

“Okay, you’ve got his key, right?” Dan asked as she emerged from the flat. “Let’s go and check if he’s at home.” 

They were both determined as they walked down the stairs, knocking on the door before Niall used his key. The flat was dark and seemingly empty, but they still split up to search the premise. Dan went to look in the bedroom while Niall checked the bathroom, the only rooms that had a door to hide anything behind in the small flat. Niall had just found the bathroom empty when Dan called for him, sounding worried.

 

He ran across the hall into the bedroom and felt his jaw drop before even realising it.

“What the fuck?” he breathed.

“Whiskey,” Dan explained gravely, picking up one of at least 10 glasses on Louis’ bedside table, a half empty bottle of amber liquid next to them. It was a miracle he could even fit as many glasses on there. “Fuck, I should’ve noticed something was up when he bought whiskey at Tesco’s last week. He muttered something about his stepdad’s birthday but he’s not even planning to go home before Christmas.”

“Hey,” Niall put a hand on her shoulder. “There’s no use in beating yourself up about this. We all noticed something was up with him but we didn’t know how to handle it. Let’s just focus on finding him first.”

Dan nodded, knowing he was right, but still feeling the guilt gnaw in her stomach. “I’ll call the ward, you call Zayn?” she asked, already pulling her phone out of her pocket. 

 

“Hey Raven, it’s Dan. Uhm, do you know maybe if Louis is still at the hospital somewhere? Did he say something to you guys?”

“What? He never left since Leo got a fever,” she looked shocked. “Yeah no, no, don’t call him, we’re coming over. Please call the resident on duty now for anything concerning Leo.”

“He’s there,” she told Niall who was still on the phone with Zayn.

“He’s at the hospital, Z, we’ll catch him there,” he ended the conversation.

 

They didn’t really talk on their way across the street, badging their way in and making the trek to the second floor where Dan suspected he would be if he didn’t want to be found. 

“You go first,” she told him as they stood in front of the door. “You were the one Harry messaged.”

“Probably only because I have a name that’s easily recognised,” Niall snapped, but knocked anyway. When there came no answer, he took a deep breath and opened the door.

The bunk beds were around the corner, but as soon as he stepped in, Niall knew they’d found Louis. He could hear him sniffling so he hurried to get to him, finding him shivering and curled up on the bottom bunk.

“I’ve got you,” he whispered, climbing in and plastering himself to Louis’ side while Dan did the same thing at the other side. “We’ve got you, let it out love.”

 

Neither of them knew how long they’d sat there, they’d all fallen asleep at some point and were woken up by the sounds of the hospital coming back to life early in the morning. 

“Shit! I’ve… I’ve got to go check on Leo, see if his lab results are in yet!” Louis jolted back to life, alarming both Dan and Niall who were snoozing on his shoulders.

“Hell no you’re not,” Niall sternly told him, grabbing his arm when he made a move to get out of bed. “Leo is been taken care of and you’re going to let us take care of you now too. Come on, home you go.”

“But,” Louis tried, but he was effectively silenced by his friends, though he couldn’t stop himself from rolling his eyes in frustration.

“I’ll go and tell Jo you won’t be able to work today, see if she can spare me as well today,” Dan decided. “You go home with Niall and we’ll go from there.”

She was out the door before Louis could protest, knowing she’d find Jo in her office at this hour.

 

Arriving back at Louis’ flat, she found Niall in the kitchen doing dishes while they heard Louis snoring softly through the open bedroom door. 

“He was exhausted,” Niall told her as he put down another glass. “What did Jo say?”

“He can’t come back until Monday, she’s going to find someone to cover his shift on Saturday. She’s on Leo’s case while Nick covers the ward this morning, but I’ve got to go back for outpatient visits this afternoon,” Dan summarised quickly.

“Good. I called in sick today, and Zayn said he’d come by when he wakes up this afternoon. We should probably figure something out for the next couple of days. Don’t want him to be on his own.”

Dan nodded, going through Louis’ kitchen cabinets to find a towel and feeling her heart sink when she found five empty whiskey bottles. “Niall,” she said, causing her friend to curse when he saw what she’d found, knowing that Louis had taken out his recycling just a week ago. 

“I’ve emptied the bottle from the bedroom in the sink, but I don’t think he’ll be happy about that when he finds out,” he added somberly.

“I really had no idea it was this bad,” Dan replied, putting the bottles in a plastic bag to take them out when she went to work. “I mean, I knew he was having a hard time dealing with Leo’s case, but not like this.”

“Yeah, same. You think we should cancel movie night?”

“Nah, he’d feel worse if we did that. Though he’ll hate everyone fussing over him too.”

Niall chuckled. “Yep. He deserves it though, for not telling anyone that he wasn’t coping.”

“I’m not even sure if he realised that himself, Niall,” Dan somberly added.

  
  


When Louis finally woke up, it was to Zayn sitting in his bed next to him, watching one of his weird anime series on his tablet. 

“What are you doing in my bed?” he asked, as if denying what had happened the previous night might make it go away. 

“Making sure you’re okay,” Zayn replied, hardly looking up, knowing that Louis didn’t like to be confronted.

“I’m okay, you can go now,” he tried, but Zayn simply rolled his eyes.

“Come on mate, Niall’s made us lunch, get up.”

Niall wasn’t anywhere to be found when he finally made his way into his kitchen that was in a much more decent state than he remembered it from the day before. There was a large pan of soup and a fresh loaf of bread on the counter, a note with Dan and Niall’s scribbled love you’s next to it.

His hair was still damp from the shower and he knew better than to protest when Zayn made him sit down at the table and just about force-fed him his meal. They didn’t talk much, just about the quality of the food (which was delicious, because Niall knew how to cook) and about the weather. Both men were skilfully ignoring the giant elephant in the room, up until Louis stood up from his chair and announced he would call the hospital to check in on Leo.

 

“No you’re not.” Zayn told him, staring him down.

“Zayn come on, I had one bad night, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t take care of my patients,” Louis retorted.

Zayn rolled his eyes at him, his eyes never leaving Louis’ face even if he stood up and started clearing the table. “This was not just  _ one bad night _ Louis, and you know that very well. Besides, Jo gave strict orders that you aren’t allowed at work until Monday.”

“What?” Louis felt anger rise in his stomach. His friends’ concern was something he could deal with if he really had to, but they shouldn’t have brought his  _ supervisor _ into this. “But! I have to work on the weekend!”

“You don’t, now,” Zayn shrugged. “Sorry Lou, attending’s orders.”

He let out a cry of frustration, slammed his glass down on the table and stomped off to his room, kicking the door shut behind him. It took all about two minutes before he came out, standing in the doorway to the kitchen as he watched Zayn wash his dishes. “Where’s my whiskey?”

“Gone.”

“For fuck’s sake! Would you all stop treating me as a child? I can take perfect care of myself!”

“No, you can’t.” Zayn countered, back still turned to Louis as he continued to rinse the plates.

“Fuck you Zayn,” Louis’ voice wavered with withheld emotion. “I had one bad day,  _ one _ , and here you all are, acting like you care and like you all think I’m an alcoholic who needs an intervention.  _ Fuck you all. _ ”

 

Zayn spent the rest of the afternoon on Louis’ couch, doing some research work while Louis stomped around in his room, threw a couple of things on the floor, then apparently threw himself on the bed to scream into his pillow. Around six, Zayn opened the door briefly to leave a sandwich on the floor, sensing that Louis wasn’t ready for any kind of mature conversation.

He only came out of his room when his living room was filled with the voices of his friends, bickering over what they’d be watching on TV. He kept his eyes on the floor as he made his way to the couch, finding a spot between Dan and Niall but not meeting anyone’s gaze, focusing on the screen instead. 

 

His friends crowded into his space, squeezing as close as they could, and once everyone had left and Louis went back to bed, Dan crawled into bed next to him. Louis didn’t comment on it when she switched off the light, just stayed on his side of the bed with his back to her. 

“Leo’s doing better,” she said softly after a couple of minutes. “I asked Jo before I left. His fever is going down with the meds and she expects the lab results by tomorrow so if it’s CMV she’ll start aciclovir and he should recover soon.”

Silence settled heavily between them until finally Louis whispered “thanks.”

  
  


The next day had people walking in and out of Louis’ flat, neither of his friends able to secure a full day off before the weekend, so they’d made up a schedule to make sure he wouldn’t be alone. Louis tried protesting the first three times one of his friends knocked on his door, but by noon he knew it was no use, they were persistent and wouldn’t listen anyway. 

It didn’t keep him from rolling his eyes when there was another knock on the door at four in the afternoon though. Niall was the one on babysitting duty and he’d taken it onto himself to clean out Louis’ kitchen cabinets while Louis just hung around watching daytime TV in an old pair of joggers that had more holes than actual fabric.

 

“Mum?” he asked once he’d opened the door, indeed finding his mum on the other side. “What are you doing here?”

“Picking you up, we’re going home,” she simply replied, shouldering her way past him. She greeted Niall with a quick hug and moved on to his bedroom where she threw a suitcase on his bed and started filling it with clothes.

“Uhm,” Louis stammered.

“I don’t care what you’re going to say Louis, your friends told me you weren’t doing well, so I’m taking you home, at least for the weekend. I’m not leaving you here by yourself while you’re miserable.”

“I’m not miserable!” Louis protested.

“Don’t you lie to your mother, Louis William Tomlinson. I’ve raised you better than that.” Jay told him with raised eyebrows, not allowing any protest.

Louis grumbled for a bit and rolled his eyes until they pretty much rolled out of their sockets, but he knew for a fact that his mum was even more stubborn than he was, so he wouldn’t win this. He didn’t even comment on the fact that she was packing more clothes than he would need for an entire month away.

He still sulked the entire drive over though, his knees drawn up to his chest and his head leaned against the window of his mum’s worn down family car. He didn’t know how to feel anymore, he felt anger at being babied by his friends and family yet also disappointed in himself. For not handling this better. For not being there for his patients, for not being a better doctor.

 

He had to admit it was nice though, to be home, have all of his siblings around him at the table and not having to worry about what he would have for dinner and how his patients were doing. Ernest and Doris bickered about who got to sit next to him at the table and on the couch when they watched yet another Disney movie, until Louis brought it to their attention that he actually had two sides so they could both get their share of their older brother. He realised now that it had been way too long since he came to visit, having gone home only two times since he left in August. 

“I love you,” he told his mum that night before going to bed and it meant so much more than just that, but he could tell from the way she hugged him that she knew that. The two of them, they could read each other like an open book. She kissed his cheek and smiled warmly when Fizzie followed him upstairs, crawling into his old bed with him like it was the easiest thing in the world. 

Maybe it was, somehow.

 

Saturday had him feeling slightly numb, though it was bearable because of his siblings hanging off him all day, not allowing him to think about anything but them.

Sunday was another story. He’d hardly slept, unable to fall asleep even with Daisy pressed to his side and while he saw the sky getting brighter, his mood got darker. By the time he heard the telltale sounds of the other people in the house waking up, he was close to tears and decided to fake being asleep when Daisy started stirring. It would be easier that way.

 

It took no more than an hour before his mum knocked on his door, unbothered by the fact that he didn’t answer and walked inside, sitting down on his bed. He kept his eyes closed but couldn’t help pressing his head into her hand as she ran her fingers through his hair. “Bad day?” she asked finally, humming softly when he nodded. “I’m not taking you back tonight, Lou. I can’t stand the thought of you feeling like this with no one around to take care of you. We’ll go see the doctor tomorrow, he’ll understand and write you a sick note.”

“I’m the doctor, mum,” he grumbled, shying away when she flicked his ear. 

 

Louis still called Jo the next morning. Dan had already told her he wouldn’t be back, but he wanted to hear her personally and also ask her about Leo. His siblings were all off to school and his mum was busy in the kitchen, claiming she had to make up for the time she lost by taking him to their GP. 

She told him she supported his decision not to come back yet, said she rather had him back at full force after Christmas than now while he wasn’t feeling well. He’d almost forgotten about that, it was his last week at work before the holidays, having taken the week off for his birthday and Christmas. 

“Leo is doing alright, by the way. He’s on aciclovir now and his fever is almost completely down most of the time. If things keep getting better, he’ll be getting a visit home for Christmas,” she added, knowing he’d wanted to ask. “Now go on and rest, Louis, the hospital will still stand without you.”

“Thanks Jo. Merry Christmas.”

“You too Louis, take care of yourself, alright?”

 

****

 

**From Harry Styles**

_ I hope you’re feeling better, Louis. Happy birthday and merry christmas. Xx _

Louis had been staring at his phone for half an hour now. He was still in bed, waiting until his siblings came to get him whenever they were happy with the decorating they were doing downstairs. He hadn’t spoken to Harry since the night of his breakdown. Hadn’t really wanted to as he felt mostly betrayed and angry with him. Now though, he noticed that he wasn’t angry anymore. He felt better, calmer, and more like himself again. He was grateful for the updates on Leo’s health he got from Dan, but it wasn’t on his mind 24/7 anymore and that felt surprisingly good. After the first couple of sleepless nights, he’d even been able to fall asleep without any alcohol, which made him realise that it  _ had _ been a problem, even if he didn’t really want to believe that. 

He could hear feet stomping up the stairs, so he thought quickly, biting his lip as he typed out his reply.

 

**To Harry Styles**

_ I am. Thank you. Xxx _

  
He could only hope Harry would understand what he meant. 


	8. 8

However nice it had been, after two weeks at home, around the squabble of siblings he had, Louis was glad to go back to Sheffield. Doncaster would always be his home in a way, but he missed his own flat, having his friends around and even his work. He’d gone through needing it, not ever wanting to go back to it and now he was back at missing it. He hugged his mum goodbye once she’d idled the car outside his building, unable to find a proper parking space with everyone returning on a Sunday night and assured her he’d be fine. 

 

That night, it was as if he kept open house. All of his friends seemed to come by his door and wanted to say hi, even if it were just for a minute. Niall and Ed brought him dinner, inviting themselves in to eat together. They were disgustingly cute as a couple even if they weren’t really showing much PDA. It was more something in the way they were attuned to each other that gave it away, and Louis tried to ignore how jealous he was of that in favour of expressing his happiness over it. Niall deserved someone who took care of him, and who let him take care of them. 

Dan passed by when he was still in the doorway from saying goodbye to them, hugging him close without a word before pointing upstairs, saying she was dead on her feet from her shift and would see him in the morning. Zayn arrived late at night, looking exhausted but happy as he knocked on Louis door, duffel bag still slung around his shoulder. “Glad to have you back mate, pizza tomorrow?” he asked, smiling warmly at Louis’ confirmation before bidding him goodnight. 

 

Monday morning was hellish as ever, starting with their staff meeting in the cramped room, though it was a bit less cramped since a lot of people had time off for the holidays still. Next was the Monday meeting at the ward, with all doctors, some nurses and social workers,  the physical therapist, dietician and the likes. While Louis felt relieved at the warm welcome back he got from everyone, Jo being the first to tell him she was glad he was back, it was still a long and tiring meeting and his concentration was gone long before the meeting ended. He was hungry and wanted to do some actual work instead of talking about patients, his thoughts so far away that he almost missed the biggest news of the day. 

“Louis could you make sure his paperwork is finished by Friday afternoon? His mum will pick him up at two. He hasn’t got any follow-up appointments planned, so please make sure they’re soon enough, we don’t want him at the back of the cardiologists’ agenda and we all know that’s what might happen when we let the secretaries handle it,” Jo asked, and Louis nodded on automatic pilot, searching out Dan with the panic probably very visible in his eyes as he didn’t know who they were talking about.

“Leo!” she mouthed smiling and his jaw dropped.  _ Leo was getting discharged? _ That was fucking incredible!  

 

He was so excited about the news that he even forgot to go for lunch and stormed to Leo’s room instead. It seemed to be true, there were no special isolation measures anymore so he could just walk inside without having to change.

“Hi mate,” he greeted the boy as he walked in, taken aback at the change that had taken place. The Leo he knew was short of breath, pale and weak, while this boy looked more like an energetic twelve year old than Louis had ever dared to dream for him. He was still a bit pale and would probably need some time to get fit, but he didn’t look like a sick kid anymore. If it wasn’t for the big scar on his chest, Louis wouldn’t have believed he was looking at the right boy. 

“Doctor Tommo!” Leo replied enthusiastically. “I’m glad I get to see you again before I go home this weekend.”

“So am I, I can’t believe you got so much better during my vacation. I should’ve gone away sooner,” he teased a chuckle out of his patient. 

He let Leo talk him into a game of Mario Kart on the playstation he’d had installed in his room, but was reminded of his lack of food intake by his stomach growling at the end of the race.

“I should probably get going now, Leo, I’ll see you when I’m doing rounds, alright?”

  
  


**To Harry Styles**

_ Leo gets to go home!!!! _

_   
_ He shot off a quick message to Harry while he was waiting in line for his food in the cafeteria, already looking forward to finding his reply when he got off work. Jo had made sure he didn’t have to work any night shifts for the next two weeks, just to be sure, and while he had been angry with her for babying him, he was also kind of grateful for getting to have a normal work rhythm for once.

 

Sure enough, as soon as he walked out of the hospital that evening, a little later than planned because of all of the paperwork he was horribly behind on, a message from Harry was waiting for him. They had been talking again since Christmas, a bit tentative at first, neither of them wanting to bring up the reason they hadn’t been talking for over a week. Slowly but surely, their messages got back to their earlier level of friendship. They weren’t there yet, but Louis was confident that they would be getting there soon enough. 

 

****

 

January brought change and therefore hard work. After Leo’s discharge, Louis, Nick and Dan were all relocated to other wards, none of them together, unfortunately, though Louis couldn’t really complain as he found himself working with Ed on the ward for respiratory diseases and sleep medicine. 

Sleep medicine was damn complicated though, so he found himself studying most nights, spending hours behind his computer with books spread all over the table, Harry’s messages a welcome distraction. 

 

Halfway through January, when everyone was back in their work rhythm after the Holidays, he got a bit of a surprising phone call from Liam Payne. The article on Leo’s transplant had gotten very positive reviews, and he wanted to make a series of interviews with the residents at the children’s hospital, starting with Louis since they’d hit it off right away and it seemed like an easy first. 

Since he always kept his Thursday nights free anyway, it seemed easiest to invite Liam over for dinner before everyone would be arriving for movie night. It had been sort of a tradition to have dinner with Niall, but he’d been a bit too busy snogging Ed’s face off lately. It didn’t really bother Louis, he knew they’d pick it back up when most of the novelty of a new and exciting relationship wore off. 

 

His last patient had come in a bit late, their parents stuck in traffic and the problem more complex than Louis had anticipated, making him late as well. He could see Liam waiting in front of his building as soon as he jogged out of the hospital, waving at him as he crossed the street.

“Hi! Sorry, my consultations ran late,” he panted as he reached the door, badging him and Liam inside before tackling the stairs.

“Hey, no problem, I’m used to it, Dawn’s practically never on time when we meet up,” he smiled, blushing when the mention of his supervisor spiked Louis’ interest. 

“Remind me to grill you about that later, Liam, very interesting indeed,” he smirked. “I’ll let you do your job first though, since in an hour or two my flat will be invaded by my friends and co-workers demanding to see some sort of movie.” 

“Two hours will be more than enough,” Liam assured him, entering Louis’ flat behind him and shucking his shoes off before stepping into the living room. “Woah! I didn’t expect Harry’s picture in your living room!”

Louis stopped in his tracks, following Liam’s gaze and then looking back at him. “ _ You _ know Harry?”

“Of course I know Harry. He’s my best mate since high school. How do  _ you _ know Harry?”

“We uhm, we met in Antwerp last summer. Our train got stranded and we had to wait for a connection until the next morning. Neither of us had money to spend on a hotel room so we went sightseeing together.” Louis told him, inviting Liam into his kitchen where he grabbed the tupperware container with their dinner from the fridge and stuck it in the microwave. 

“Wait, hold on,” Liam suddenly realised. “You’re  _ Harry’s  _ Louis?”

“First of all, I am very much my own, thank you very much,” Louis shot back haughtily. “Second of all, Harry talks about me? Do tell me more,” he added with a cheeky smile. 

Liam spluttered, realising he might have told Louis something he wasn’t really supposed to know.

“Come on, Payne, I know half of it already, might as well tell me the entire thing now.” Louis reasoned, making Liam roll his eyes.

“He just… mentioned that he liked you and that things might have been different hadn’t he been in Paris for work. Don’t think that’s something you didn’t know yet.” Liam admitted reluctantly.

Louis flushed bright red and mumbled something about Liam being right about that, grabbing plates and cutlery to set the kitchen table for the two of them. 

“But uhm, on a more interesting note; you and Dawn?” Louis asked in an attempt to steer the conversation away from him and Harry. He wasn’t ready to admit that he also liked Harry and had often wished that Harry’d found a job in England rather than Paris. 

“We’re… uhm. Friends?” Liam spluttered, flushing when Louis raised an eyebrow at him.

“Friends? Is that what kids call it these days?” he teased, chuckling when Liam punched him in the shoulder.

“Well, we definitely started out as friends, then we became friends with benefits, but now… I don’t think either of us has had anyone else for two years no, but we never got around to defining what we have,” Liam explained.

“Liam, honestly,” Louis deadpanned, “Dawn has been flaunting you for months now. She wouldn’t introduce you to us if you were just a friend, not if she also snogged the life out of you at a party where all of us saw the two of you together.”

“You think?” Liam squeaked. 

“Yes. Ask her out already. And don’t forget to invite me to your wedding.”

The microwave beeped so Louis went back into the kitchen to check if their food was properly heated, plating it for the both of them once he found it steaming hot. 

“Only if you invite me to your wedding with Harry,” Liam answered as he took his seat.

“Harry and I aren’t even together,” Louis shot back.

“Only because you’re both to stubborn to admit that you want to be.”

“Wh- what? What do you mean?”

“Come on, Louis. You’ve got a life sized picture of him in your living room, and at least five smaller ones all over this place. Are you seriously telling me that’s only to remember that one night you spent together?”

“Well. Even if I wanted to be together, that doesn’t mean that Harry wants that too. Besides, a long distance relationship is probably more than either of us can handle right now.”

“His contract in Paris ends after next month’s fashion week, and as far as I know, he hasn’t decided if he wants to prolong it.”

“He- he’s coming back?” Louis spluttered, his forkful of spaghetti hanging in the air between his plate and his mouth.

“He might,” Liam shrugged. “But about the interview, I thought we could start with describing your typical day?”

 

Louis didn’t see much of the film that night, his thoughts preoccupied with what if’s and should I’s. 

 

His dilemma wasn’t really solved, but got a bit of a deadline when he received a message from Harry a week later. 

 

**From Harry Styles**

_ Uhm, I was meaning to ask you something… I’m coming home next week for my birthday. My mum’s house isn’t very close to Sheffield, but I suppose I could make a detour to see you. Well, and Liam, he’ll kill me if I’m in Sheffield without visiting him and Dawn.  _

 

_ I still can’t believe your Liam is Dawn’s Liam!!!! But yes, I’d love to see you again, must take advantage when there isn’t a sea between us, right? _

 

_ Me neither. And yes, I think so. It’s been a while, isn’t it? Are you working the weekend? _

 

_ Nope. Worked last weekend so now I’m free for a couple more.  _

 

_ Saturday alright? _

 

_ Sure, don’t have any plans except study and go grocery shopping. Very exciting life I have. _

 

_ You clearly need a visitor from a foreign country to brighten your life, I can tell. _

  
_ Shut up. Just let me know where and when to pick you up, moron. _


	9. 9

It was dark already when Louis made his way to Sheffield’s train station that Friday. He’d taken a couple of hours off in the afternoon and used the time to make his flat presentable for his guest, having hesitated for about an hour if he should or shouldn’t remove the large picture of him and Harry. He didn’t, in the end, decided that it was part of his flat and it would probably show if he removed the frame. 

He was rather early, so he busied himself with a battered copy of metro he’d found on the bus, reading his horoscope once he’d made sure he was on the right platform. 

He couldn’t help but smirk at it, since he was apparently going to meet a tall, dark stranger who might become a love interest in the near future. Harry wasn’t exactly a stranger, but he was tall and dark and he already was a potential love interest. He felt butterflies fluttering in his stomach at the thought alone, trying to school his face into a less manic grin when the train started to roll in. 

 

He spotted Harry from thirty yards away, looking around him as he got off the train. He had a duffel slung around his shoulder and a backpack on his back, a camera bag somewhere in between. He stole Louis’ breath as he approached, a wide smile on his lips, and the result was that Louis couldn’t bring out anything else than a very eloquent “hi.”

“Hey,” Harry smiled, swooping down to press a soft kiss to Louis’ lips. “‘S good to see you.”

“Yeah,” Louis breathed, feeling elated as he accepted Harry’s hand and laced their fingers. “I’m glad you came.”

 

The bus ride back was spent catching up on things like work and family, Louis doing his best to keep it all casual. He didn’t want to discuss anything more profound on a bus, and just not yet. Wanted to take some time to get accustomed to each other once more, though that hadn’t taken them more than half an hour when they met up in Paris last fall. 

  
  


“Woah! Liam wasn’t lying when he said you had a life sized picture of me in your living room!” Harry exclaimed as he entered the flat, boots neatly stacked against the wall in the small entrance hall. 

Louis felt himself flush but soldiered through it. “Liam told you?”

Harry bit his lip, glancing at his socked feet before catching Louis’ gaze again. “He uhm, we talked after he came here for that interview. Said I needed to man up and stop pretending you wouldn’t feel the same way since you have that picture of us,” he gestured to the frame across him, “like, on your wall, in clear view.”

 

Okay. Apparently they  _ were _ having this conversation already. Good. Fine. Louis could deal with that. Ignore the fact that he felt like a miniature version of himself was running around screaming in his head. His very empty head that failed to come up with any other reply than “oh.”

“Yeah.”

“What uhm. What is it that you need to man up about, then?”  _ Yes! Well done Louis! Great question. _

 

Harry took a deep breath, eyes once again fixed on his colourful striped socks, wiggling his toes back and forth before he answered. “Telling you how I feel.”

Louis didn’t know how he suddenly was in front of Harry, close enough for their toes to almost touch. “I’m listening.”

Harry chuckled. “Can we- just, tea or something?” he asked, letting out a gust of air that seemed to have been trapped in his lungs for ages. 

Louis smiled, feeling a strange mix of relief and disappointment, but moving to the kitchen to make tea anyway. The familiarity of the routine calmed him down, feeling more or less at ease when he handed Harry his mug with milk and sugar and took his own with milk only before he sat down across of him at the kitchen table. The way their legs automatically hooked around the other’s made him smile while he waited for Harry to gather his thoughts and his wit.

 

“I like you,” Harry stated finally. “I mean, I knew that, and you knew that too, but I don’t think I realised just how much I like you until you had that breakdown in December.”

Louis pulled a face at the memory, but didn’t interrupt.

“Fuck, Lou,” Harry scrubbed his hands over his face. “I was so worried about you that night, and it almost physically hurt that I couldn’t do a thing because I was so far away. I didn’t sleep until Niall replied to me that he was on it and they were going to find you and take care of you. And even then I slept badly, because I knew you were going to be mad at me.”

“I was, yeah,” Louis whispered, grabbing Harry’s hand as he offered it with a weak smile.

“I know, but I couldn’t not alert anyone who could do something about it.”

“Yeah, I know, I get that now. And I’m not mad anymore.”

Harry smiled, for real this time. “Good.”

  
  


“Liam mentioned something about you not prolonging your contract in Paris?” Louis asked when they both were quiet for a bit.

“He told you that? Well, doesn’t matter, because he’s right. I’ve got an offer for another year, once Fashion Week is over, but I told my boss I had to think about it.”

“And are you? Thinking about it, I mean,” Louis asked, taking another sip of his tea now it was cooling off a bit. 

“I am yeah, and I came to the same conclusion as Liam, that I need to man up. Which is why I’m here.”

“Okay…”

“To see if you like me enough to give us a try, if I decide to come back to England and live closer to you.”

 

Louis felt his breath catch in his throat. Sure, it had been clear from the start that this was where their conversation was heading, but to hear it like this, all spelled out by Harry, was a different story. “So I take it that you like  _ me _ enough to give it a try if there’s no longer an entire sea between us?”

Harry rolled his eyes. “You’re not going to give me a straightforward answer, are you?” he asked exasperatedly, yet unable to hide the fondness in his smile. “I do, yes, otherwise I wouldn’t be sitting here. I could work with Liam on his magazine, get a freelance job on the side. Get to know you better, see if we still like each other if we see each other more regularly and see if there’s really a future for us as a couple.”

“I’d love that.” Louis said, surprising even himself with that answer. “I mean, I can’t handle a long distance relationship, but I would love to have a relationship without the long distance. Especially with you.”

“Oh, I was just going to say I could ask around if anyone was interested in the job of your boyfriend,” Harry joked while his grin was taking over his entire face already. 

“I hate you,” Louis stuck out his tongue but he couldn’t stop his matching grin, swallowing when suddenly he was standing in his kitchen, toe to toe with Harry. 

“I hate you too, which is why I’m going to kiss you now,” Harry grinned.

 

The kiss started as a chaste one, just dry lips moving against each other softly and quietly as they both shuffled closer to the other, toes touching first but soon arms pulled around backs and necks and they were pressed together from head to toe. Or lips to toe, whatever. 

It didn’t take much longer before it got a bit dirtier, Louis’ tongue licking across Harry’s lips only to be met with Harry’s soon after, rubbing against each other, tasting each other and licking into the other’s mouth until they both ran out of breath. They smiled at each other with their foreheads resting together, breathing harshly as Louis felt Harry’s hands squeeze around his arms.

“Uhm, eat, maybe?” Louis asked, biting his lip to prevent him saying other things, stupid things if you had only just decided to give a relationship a try. 

Harry smiled knowingly, as if he had read Louis’ (dirty) mind anyway. “Sure, what did you have in mind?”

“Well… there’s a great Thai around the corner, we could get take out or have them deliver. Got a good pizza delivery as well, or maybe kebab? That’s just across the street.”

“Or maybe we could cook a healthy, wholesome meal?” Harry asked teasingly, already on his way to the fridge to check the contents. “Okay, yeah, not gonna happen. I can’t procure a decent meal from two dried out oranges and a bottle of ketchup.”

“Hey, I usually cook rather decently. I just ran out of time to go shopping, I usually do that on Saturdays when I’m not working,” Louis protested, sticking his tongue out at Harry.

“You keep that thing inside before you give me the wrong idea,” he winked. “So you can choose, either we go shopping and cook, or we get take away.”

“I am  _ not _ going into Tesco’s on a Friday night, I haven’t got a death wish,” Louis scolded. “And who says it would be the wrong idea?”

He grinned wildly as Harry flushed a radiant red, shoving the flyer for the Thai restaurant in his hands to spare him further innuendos.

 

Their trip to get take out turned into a long and slow walk around the neighbourhood. The weather was nice enough when bundled up in a thick coat and a scarf, containers of food being swapped every once in a while until they were both well fed, cheeks rosy because of the cold. 

“I think I’m gonna like living here,” Harry said as they entered Louis’ building, wiping their feet on the mat in the entrance hall downstairs. 

“Of course you will, even Paris won’t beat living near me,” Louis replied sappily as he fluttered his eyelashes theatrically. Their laughter sounded through the entire building as Harry chased Louis upstairs, finally caging him against his front door to kiss him thoroughly.

 

“Paris sucks without you anyway,” he whispered, earning him a Tomlinson™ eye roll before Louis let them inside.

They both shucked off their shoes, shedding coats and scarves as well before heading to the kitchen for another cup of warm tea.

“So uhm, not to be a party pooper,” Louis started as he held his cup between his hands to warm them up. “But I’m gonna head to bed soon. I was up at 5 this morning and even after all these years, I’m not made for early mornings.” He stole a quick kiss from Harry’s lips. “I don’t mind if you stay up for a bit though, you can watch TV or read or whatever you like to do at night, the wifi passcode should be on the modem.”

“It’s okay, I’m knackered as well. Had a bit of a wild birthday party last night,” Harry smiled. “Should I just set up camp on the couch, or…”

Louis bit his lip. “I wouldn’t be opposed to you being in my bed. And like, no funny business, at least for now,” he winked. “I just like the company, and getting a good night kiss would be a great bonus.”

“Your bed it is, then.”

 

They both took turns in the bathroom, washing up quickly and brushing their teeth before crawling under the covers. 

“Is spooning considered funny business?” Harry asked cheekily as he got settled on the mattress. 

“Only if you want to be the big spoon,” Louis retorted.

Harry didn’t reply, just grinned and turned around as he shuffled closer to Louis’ side, grin subsiding to a happy smile when Louis’ hand found a way around his middle and his chest pressed against Harry’s back. 

  
  


The room was still pitch black when Harry woke up to an annoying beeping sound, followed by Louis jumping out of bed to get to his phone. Harry sat up, rubbing his eyes as he watched Louis jump around the room when he stumped his toe on the bed.

“Shit, shit, fuck, shit! Sorry!” he brought out. “Forgot to turn off my alarm.”

“Is your toe alright?”

“Yeah, or at least it will be in a bit. Not the first time I hit it on this stupid bed. Who puts a leg in the middle of a bed anyway?”

Harry chuckled. “At least we’ve now established you’re not a donkey.”

“Ha-ha-ha, Styles. Who would’ve thought you were funny even at 5 in the morning.”

“Let it be known I’m funny at all times, then,” Harry smiled. “Are you coming back to bed though? I suck at getting back to sleep, but I would like some more cuddling.”

“Thanks to working in a hospital, I am ace at sleeping whenever the opportunity presents itself, but I can’t say no to your offer. I apologise beforehand if I fall back asleep though,” Louis told him, crawling back under the covers and sighing at the warmth of Harry’s body in  contrast with the cold winter air. “You’re a lovely furnace,” he muttered, burying his face into the soft cotton of Harry’s worn T-shirt as they intertwined their legs under the covers. 

 

It took Louis approximately five minutes before he fell asleep again, but Harry didn’t mind. He liked cuddling, and he loved watching Louis sleep as the room slowly grew lighter with the rising winter sun. 

There was an itch in his limbs, a want to fetch his camera and document it, but he couldn’t bring himself to get up and forced himself to just enjoy the moment as it was. By the time the sun was fully up and birds were chirping outside the window, he finally untangled himself from Louis’ hold and got in the shower. 

A quick look into the bedroom taught him Louis was still firmly asleep, so he decided to head over to the Tesco he’d spotted on their walk the day before. It was only half eight so it probably wouldn’t be too busy yet. 

 

The note he’d left on the counter proved to be useless, as the flat was still quiet upon his return. He put away the groceries he’d bought, enough for breakfast, lunch and dinner but he knew that Louis probably needed more food to get through the rest of the week, warranting another trip to the supermarket later that day. 

For now, this would do though and Harry hummed to himself as he started on a full English breakfast, revelling in the fact that he’d been able to find the proper ingredients he liked, something he missed when in Paris. 

 

Louis soon came to find him in the kitchen, woken up by the smell of bacon and eggs. He sleepily wrapped his arms around Harry’s waist, resting his head on the back of his shoulder as he lazily pressed a kiss to the warm skin. “Morning,” he hummed. “Sorry for being crappy company this morning.”

Harry turned around and shot him a smile before quickly kissing his nose. “That’s okay love, let’s just try not to make a habit out of waking me up at 5am,” he teased, laughing when Louis slapped his bum as he turned around again to tend to their food.

“You went grocery shopping?” Louis questioned, only then realising that his fridge had been empty when he went to bed.

“Yeah, just got food for today though, so we probably need to get back there for supplies for the rest of the week or you’ll starve.”

Louis shrugged. “Meh, could always just eat the crappy food from the hospital cafeteria. As long as there’s cereal to start my day, I’m fine.”

Harry rolled his eyes as he told him to sit down since their breakfast was ready now, unless he preferred cereal. 

 

After breakfast, Louis showered and changed as well, taking Harry out to show him around Sheffield, claiming he needed to be made familiar with the city he was going to live in soon. Fair enough, it wasn’t Paris or even close to it, but Louis liked living here and he was positive Harry would too. Even if he slapped his bum when he told him he’d like living anywhere as long as Louis was there too. He got the sappiest man alive for a boyfriend, apparently. 

 

“How long are you going to be in Paris still?” Louis asked, finally breaching the topic as they walked back home. 

“My contract runs out at the end of February. I get to do Fashion Week and then some time to get all the articles and spreads about it ready, then I come back home.”

“Home being?”

“England. I figure I’ll go stay with my mum for a bit first, while I look for a place around here. Though Liam said he’d look around for me if I wanted him to.”

Louis nodded. 

“I’ll let him know he can start looking when I see him tomorrow,” Harry smiled, squeezing Louis’ hand. 

“Good, yeah,” Louis grinned. 

 

Their dinner consisted of a dozen small dishes that Harry prepared, claiming he could never find the right ingredients for them in France, eaten on the couch while they cuddled and exchanged kisses that tasted of the food they ate. It was proper domestic, Louis thought, and he loved every second of it. 

Once all the plates were cleaned, most of them having been ridiculously licked clean by Harry, Louis found himself on Harry’s lap, playing with his hair as they kissed lazily. 

“Still can’t believe I’ll get to have you here soon, like spend my free evenings and weekends with you. And get to kiss you whenever I like.”

Harry grinned up at him. “Are you happy?”

“Yeah. Yes, I really am,” Louis sighed. “You wouldn’t believe how often I wished you lived closer or how many times I’ve thought about giving a long distance relationship a chance after all.”

“Really?”

Louis nodded shyly, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth.

“Hey,” Harry chided, bending down to press a kiss to Louis’ collarbone. “I think it’s cute. I think I’ve always wanted this too. I just never allowed myself to properly think about it because I wouldn’t stop wanting what I couldn’t have.”

“You want me?” Louis whispered, pressing himself closer to Harry and throwing his head back in his neck as he kissed along his collarbone and up his neck. 

“Hmmm, yeah, in every way I can have you.” Harry breathed, leaning up to capture Louis’ lips with his. 

 

The kiss was dirty, tongues slipping out to lick into the other’s mouth, teeth clashing and hips grinding. It didn’t take long before they were both in dire need of oxygen. They pressed their foreheads together as they caught their breath.

“Would you judge me if I said I’ve fantasised about having sex with you?” Louis asked breathily. 

Harry didn’t answer properly, just pushed his hips upward and let out a small moan when he felt his dick twitch in his pants. 

“I’ll take that as a no,” Louis grinned. “Care to see if you live up to my fantasies?”

“Hmmmm,” Harry groaned, winded by the idea of Louis tugging himself off - or even fingering, god help him - while thinking of  _ him _ . “You’ll - you’ll have to tell me all about those fantasies later on, but right now, I kinda want to take you to bed, if you don’t mind,” he spoke quickly, trying to raise from the couch with Louis still in his lap.

 

“I do mind. I’ll let you take me to bed later, but right now, I kinda wanna suck you off, right here, on this couch because I’ve thought about that so much, you know? I wanna taste you.”

“Fuck Louis, who knew you’d have such a dirty mouth,” Harry whined, earning a wide grin from Louis as he sunk down to the floor, already flicking the button of Harry’s jeans open and tugging on the zipper before his knees even touch the ground. 

Harry saw his life flashing in front of his eyes as he threw his head back and lifted his hips, allowing Louis to tug of his jeans so he could sit between his legs as he mouthed at his hardening cock through the soft cotton of his boxers. 

He could feel the fabric grow damp by the mixture of Louis’ saliva and his own precome, and was grateful when Louis answered his shameless begging by tugging the waistband of his boxers down and getting his mouth on his cock.

 

Louis licked softly around the head, teasing and testing the waters, trying out Harry’s beautiful, wonderful reactions to his ministrations. He grinned when Harry bucked up his hips as he dipped his tongue into his slit, tasting the bittersweet liquid that pulsed out almost constantly now. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered, “so fucking pretty.” If he’d been able to smile around a mouthful of cock, he would’ve done so at Harry’s shout when he finally wrapped his lips around the head and slowly, slowly sunk down. He swallowed against his gag reflex and breathed harshly through his nose before he pressed it against Harry’s pubic bone. He closed his eyes for a second, on of his hands coming up to pin Harry’s hips to the couch while he revelled in the earthy taste in his mouth, the musky scent in his nose and Harry’s fingers softly pulling at his hair. His other hand drifted down to his own crotch, unfastening his fly so he could shove his hand inside his pants to palm at his own dick. He then flattened his tongue, pressing it up against Harry’s shaft before slowly pulling up again. 

Louis switched between taking him down and licking and kissing his length for a couple of minutes, sensing the increasing tension in Harry’s legs. 

 

They were both too immersed in the other to notice the door to the flat opening.

“Louis, could we borrow some sugar? I was baking cake but Ed’s out of sugar so I can’t -oh fucking shit!” 

Louis looked up at Harry and couldn’t help laughing at his horror stricken face. 

“Niall,” he started but Niall interrupted him, leaning his forehead against the wall.

“Noooope, nope, NOPE, I didn’t want to see this!” He had his eyes covered with his hands and looked more like a silly character from a sitcom than anything else.

“Niall, kindly get out please, take my pack of sugar with you if you must or go ask Dan, she bakes a lot. Just. GO!”

“I’m gone, already out the door,” Niall whimpered, his hand still pressed against his eyes as he felt around to find the door with his other hand stretched out in front of him.

 

Louis groaned as he buried his head in the couch, mumbling something about his friends lacking boundaries and manners while he waited for the door to slam shut, Harry still covering his crotch with both hands, face bright red.

“Hold on, you’re the guy from the pictures,” Niall suddenly rambled as he walked back inside, making Harry squeal and Louis groan. “You’re Harry! Oh my god, congratulations, guys, I gotta tell Ed and Dan. Oh and Zayn!”

“Niall!!!!!!” Louis yelled. “Get. The. Fuck. Out of my flat! NOW!” He threw a pillow or two and a remote control in Niall’s general direction just for good measure and then the empty box of cookies he found under the couch. 

“I’m gone, I’m gone!” he sing songed his way out of the flat, slamming the door behind him to probably tell all of their friends that Louis was finally getting some from the guy he had been pining after for months.

Louis rubbed his face, feeling angry with Niall but most of all sorry for Harry. Niall had efficiently killed the mood, judging from Harry’s dick gone slightly limp under his hands. It’s not like Louis could blame him, his own cock having lost most of its hardness as well.

“Hey,” Harry spoke quietly, carding his fingers through Louis’ hair. “Hey, Lou. It’s alright.” 

There was a sweet smile on his face when Louis looked up, startling him a bit.

“Let me take you to your bed, alright? We’ll start over, go slow until we’re back where we left off. Take our time to get to know each other.”

Harry’s voice was kind and soothing, and Louis couldn’t not nod when Harry’s hand cradled his cheek, turning his head to press a kiss to the soft skin of his palm.

 

****

 

The next morning, Louis woke up to a snuffling Harry, hair spread out over the pillow under his head, covers thrown haphazardly over their bodies. There was a pleasant ache in his back as he shuffled closer, burying his face in Harry’s neck as he tried not to think about the mess of tied condoms and dirty washcloths that was waiting on the floor next to the bed. 

“Morning,” Harry croaked, smiling sleepily when Louis looked up.

“Hi,” Louis grinned back. “I love waking up to you.”

“Yeah, this is nice,” Harry sighed. 

They cuddled for a while longer, exchanging lazy kisses despite morning breath because who cared about stale breath when they had a beautiful boy to kiss, until Harry decided he was hungry and needed a shower before starting on breakfast. Louis couldn’t help the grin taking over his face as he observed Harry’s slight waddle on his way out of the room, memories of the night before still fresh in his mind. 

 

After about ten minutes, he’d motivated himself enough to get out of bed, wiggling his hips a little against the sting in his backside, and cleaned their mess off the floor before joining Harry in the shower.

“Would Liam be terribly upset if I kept you hostage until you have to get back tonight?” Louis mumbled against Harry’s neck, kissing drops of water away between the words.

Harry grinned as he turned around. “I think he’ll understand.”

 

****

 

“I’m gonna miss you so much,” Louis whispered against Harry’s lips as they were saying goodbye at the train station late that Sunday afternoon. 

“Me too. I feel like it’ll be worse now that I really know what it is I’m missing.”

“Yeah. My fantasies will be so much more realistic now though,” Louis chuckled, pressing a firm kiss to Harry’s lips. “Go now, or you’ll miss your train and you won’t get to Paris before Tuesday and your boss will hate you for not making it to Fashion Week on time.”

“Soon, yeah?” Harry asked as he pulled away, not wanting to let go of Louis’ hand until the very last minute.

“Soon,” Louis promised, waving his hand as he watched Harry walk away. 


	10. Epilogue

Dr. Louis Tomlinson liked to believe he had it all. A boyfriend - soon to be fiancé if everything went well - of six years, a joint practice in Sheffield’s suburbs with Dan and Ed and a lovely house with a large backyard three doors down from said practice. All that was missing was a kid, but they’d been on the waiting list for adoption for a year now, so he knew that their time would arrive sooner or later.   
Both him and Harry just liked to make the most of their lives as they were, travelling a lot, working long hours without having to miss your child’s bedtime story like Ed and Niall often had to with their daughter Evie. Simply being free. It was all good.

Little did he know when Louis went into work that particular Friday that it would be the day his life changed completely. He had said goodbye to Harry who was just starting up his computer, greeted Liam on his way in since the Tomlinson-Styles residence had also become the headquarters of their magazine and left for work, having a long day of patient visits ahead of him. 

Liam and Harry’s magazine Charlie was now successful enough to warrant a rented office in the city, but neither Harry or Liam was very hasty to look for a place, reasoning that their current office was close for both men and Harry and Louis didn’t need the bedrooms they occupied anyway. They had a couple of employees by now, who mostly worked from home and reported to their editors usually once a week. So Louis agreed with them staying put, secretly loving the idea of having his boyfriend closeby when he had some time off to grab lunch together in their kitchen or backyard when the weather allowed them to. 

Louis still didn’t catch on the life changing about to happen when his secretary called while he was going through some blood results he’d received in the morning, telling him she had Alex Karev on the phone for him.   
It was only when he had hung up, promising Alex he’d get back to him as soon as possible, that he realised that this was huge. 

 

A quick glance on the clock taught him it was only eleven. He didn’t have any more patients planned until lunch and he figured Dan would probably be able to fill in for him in the afternoon. She was on call for urgent visits, but it was late August and the urgencies had been scarce and far between in the last couple of weeks, so it would be fine.   
He gave her a quick call, promising her an explanation later on, shouted his goodbye to Shannon on his way out and headed home, once again happy that home was only three doors down from work.

“Hey!” he greeted Harry as he walked into his office, hopping in place impatiently while he waited for him to finish his call before he waved him over.  
“Hi,” Harry kissed him smilingly. “Thought you had a full day.”  
Louis didn’t reply to that statement but decided to go in for the win as he sat down on Harry’s desk.  
“So… Paris Fashion Week. Do you think Tom is ready to go on his own?”

Paris Fashion Week was sacred to Harry. He still had a lot of professional connections over in Paris which he cherished, so while he had sent Tom, his assistant photographer since 2 years, to New York Fashion week last winter, he wasn’t very keen on letting him go to Paris on his own. 

Harry spluttered. “What? Why? It’s only in two weeks, I can’t. I have to go, I promised so many people. Gemma and Elise are expecting my visit,” he rambled, referring to his sister and her French wife.”  
“I thought the fact that we might be having a baby over the weekend would perhaps warrant a few weeks off of work?” Louis asked, biting his lips to prevent his smile from taking over.  
“A few weeks? Louis are you crazy? It’s fashion season, I have to… Wait, what?”

“Alex called,” he said, as if that explained everything. Or anything really. He rolled his eyes when Harry impatiently gestured for him to go on. “They had a young girl in labour coming in last night, she died in childbed due to complications. The baby survived though, but they can’t find any relatives. They believe she’s Syrian, fled here during the war over there, probably still illegal too.”  
“And?”  
“Alex knows we’re waiting for adoption and the foster care agency told the hospital it would be hard to find a foster family for the baby girl, so Alex said he’d give us a call and see if we’re up for it.”  
“A baby girl…” Harry stammered, tears brimming his eyes.  
“Born just yesterday,” Louis nodded.   
“Fuck Paris,” Harry smiled, laughing along wetly when Louis started to chuckle.   
He pulled Louis down from his desk and into his lap, enveloping him in a bone crushing hug.  
“We’re getting a baby?” he whispered.  
Louis nodded happily. “The foster agency still needs to approve, but because we’re on the adoption waiting list, that shouldn’t be a problem. We’d be able to adopt in just two months, since the chance that they’ll find any relatives is pretty much non-existent.”

 

“What should we call her?” Harry mused as they were cuddled up on their couch after calling Alex back. A caseworker from the agency would come by later in the afternoon and if everything went well they could go and visit their little girl in hospital later tonight and bring her home in the morning. They’d already arranged for furniture, diapers and formula to be delivered first thing on Saturday, so all they could do was wait.  
Louis shuffled nervously at Harry’s question.  
“You already have an idea, haven’t you?” Harry asked curiously, pushing Louis’ fringe back with his finger.  
“I’ve been thinking about this for a while, yeah,” Louis admitted. “Do you think Liam would like it if we called her Charlie?”

Charlie was the name of their magazine, and when Louis had asked Harry about that, not long after Harry had moved back to England, he had almost been in tears at the story. It had been Liam’s choice to call it that, in honour of his stillborn younger sister Charlotte, who had always been referred to as Charlie within their family. Louis loved the sentiment, and ever since they’d been talking about adopting, the name had wiggled itself into the back of his mind, in case they ever got a daughter. 

Harry gasped. “He’ll love that, I’m sure. It’s… it’s so lovely.”  
Louis grinned at his boyfriend. “That’s what I thought. Should we call him or is he still coming in today?”  
“He mentioned something about picking up Dawn from work for their ob-gyn appointment. Maybe I could text him so we can surprise him when we’ve met our Charlie?”

 

Charlie was absolutely wonderful. Ten fingers, ten toes, big dark eyes and a lot of black hair on her head. She made both her fathers fall in love with her at first sight and Liam didn’t do much better. He didn’t want to give his goddaughter back, but Dawn insisted in her own very theatrical way that they had to leave right then to have a look at their own child growing inside her womb. 

 

It would soon become a madhouse whenever they were all together, Dan and Zayn being the only ones in their group of friends who didn’t have kids yet, though Louis suspected they wouldn’t wait much longer once they finally got their shit together and stopped acting like they didn’t care about the other. He knew they both hadn’t slept with anyone else in three years, yet they failed to tell the other that little piece of information. He wouldn’t ever understand them in the slightest, but well, as long as they were happy, he was too. 

 

It was becoming increasingly difficult to be unhappy, Louis found over the next few weeks. Charlie was a very calm, easy baby as long as she was with one of them, her own bed in the nursery abandoned as soon as they discovered she slept a lot better in between them. They both loved her to bits and it had only gotten worse when one morning, Louis had woken up to her and Harry wearing matching T-shirts with the text: Marry us? And a picture of two grooms on the back.

Harry had beaten him to proposing, but that didn’t change the answer. Of course he’d said yes, and of course Charlie sat in front of them during the ceremony, babbling happily as she threw her toys all over the floor without a care in the world.

They looked at each other, then at Charlie, knowing that she would get a few siblings if they ever had a say in it, and smiled brightly as they said “I do.”


End file.
